Irish Bull

My Merriam-Webster defines "Irish bull" as "an incongruous statement", and gives this example:
It was hereditary in his family to have no children.

Two classic examples that actually mention the Irish come to mind:
An Irishman is never at peace except when he's fighting.
An Irishman would rather die than to be buried outside of Ireland.

A tombstone in Belterbet, Ireland, reads:
Here lies the body of John Mound,
Lost at sea and never found.

And then there was the time in Dublin in 1902 that Sir Thomas Myles was talking about the Boer War:
Why should Irishmen stand with their arms folded and their hands in their pockets when England has called for aid?
I think I remember reading that the origin of the term was the following statement, but I don't understand it or know what it has to do with anything:
An Irish bull is always pregnant.
Following is a collection of Irish bulls that I have read, overheard, and even caught myself uttering. I hope you enjoy them.
  1. A lot of people in these empty pews are watching the game.
    Robert K. Oglesby, at church on Superbowl night
  2. A lot of people my age are dead at the present time.
    anonymous
  3. A new parameter that's being rewritten.
    Farrell_Wilson
  4. A siren wailed as the people stood in silence.
    radio newscaster
  5. A Taste Of Dallas returns to a brand new location.
    advertisement
  6. Accept me for what I am -- completely unacceptable.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  7. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
    Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
  8. According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
    anonymous
  9. All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
    anonymous
  10. All those without arms, please raise your hands!
    Sergeant addressing recruits
  11. All through trucks must detour.
    traffic sign
  12. Alone is much better together.
    sung by George Strait in "Let's Fall To Pieces Together"
  13. Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no government at all.
    anonymous
  14. Anarchy should be the law.
    anonymous
  15. And before one of her auditions there [she] practiced ten hours at the last minute.
    Patricia_George
  16. And he proceeded to stop.
    Ken Zotigh
  17. . . . and some 500 Italians made the trip, in a crowd of only 400.
    David Smith
  18. And their language is unspeakable!
    a teacher in "Jennifer, The Snake Goddess"
  19. And there's ONLY ONE PLACE in the world you'll find the Sleep Number bed: at one of our over 400 stores nationwide.
    Sleep Number ad
  20. And Thursday I didn't even know about it until yesterday.
    overheard on Sunday
  21. And too many moonlight kisses seem to cool in the warmth of the sun.
    E. Heyman & V. Young
  22. Ann, come over here and look how close you're sitting to Russell!
    Verna Lampe
  23. As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
    Wiesert
  24. As soon as the pain is not hurting.
    Sherrie Wiles
  25.  . . . as we count our blessings, we realize we can't count them.
    anonymous
  26.  . . . at Canon . . . fuzzy logic is being used to design a new auto-focus camera!
    Stan Kelly-Bootle
  27. At first, I had second thoughts.
    a west Texan
  28. At the airport, workers handed fliers to passengers asking them to arrive at the airport two hours before their flight.
    newscaster
  29. At the more upscale places, you kind of scale it down a little bit.
    Phil Romano, talking about birthday celebrations at his restaurants Cozymel's, Fuddrucker's, Macaroni Grill, Nick & Sam's, and We Oui
  30. Attorney General Janet Reno is asking for more drug treatment for prisoners, both in and out of jail.
    newscaster
  31. Avoid transporting items without your knowledge.
    airport terminal recording
  32. Be careful -- warning other people can be dangerous.
    Rich Lickfold, trying too hard to make it into The Book
  33. Be different -- conform.
    random adage
  34. Be more or less specific.
    Ken Zotigh
  35. Be quiet and yell!
    Eupora High School Eagles cheerleaders, circa 1969, trying to get the crowd to stop chatting and participate in the cheers. (P.S. It's pronounced "Be quite and Yale!")
  36. Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on a Monday.
    Houston city ordinance
  37. [ Before upgrading the database server: ]
    • Drop the existing "sybsystemprocs" database. [This contains all the stored procedures.]
    • Use the "sp_dropdevice" procedure to drop the "sybsystemprocs" device. [This is a stored procedure.]
    from Sybase step-by-step instructions
  38. Can you hear me in the back?
    often heard at the beginning of a speech
  39. Can't it wait till yesterday?
    anonymous engineer
  40. Can't Read? Click on the Map!
    instructions on a web site
  41. Change is invariably good.
    Dick Brown
  42. Coming home to a place he'd never been before.
    John Denver
  43. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
    anonymous
  44. Cystitis is a living death; it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily.
    Louise Wener
  45. Dear Charlie, I hate you. Love, Martha
    Martha Shedd
  46. Dear Sam, Do not participate in chain letters. Sincerely, Dave.   P.S. Pass it on.
    Dave
  47. Dear Taxpayer: Your permanent certificate of exemption is expiring shortly.
    Massachussetts Department of Revenue
  48. Death to intolerance!
    anonymous
  49. Deep down, this guy is really shallow.
    Jim Hightower
  50. Don't talk to strangers unless you know them.!
    Tom Fitzsimmons
  51. Donate $1 for a free cookie.
    sign in La Madeleine restaurant
  52. Down with categorical imperatives!
    anonymous
  53. Drift appears to be setting in.
    Paul_Cubbage
  54. East Westchester Northstars.
    sports team
  55. Even when you're dead you shouldn't lie down and let yourself be buried.
    someone in England
  56. Every minute was more exciting than the next.
    Linda Evans
  57. Every once in a while, it's always good to . . .
    Robert G. Taylor
  58. Everyone laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
    Randy
  59. Everyone should be a nonconformist.
    anonymous
  60. Exactly what Jay is saying, but a little bit different.
    Jerry_Miller
  61. Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
    anonymous
  62. Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
    anonymous
  63. Focus on the unseen.
    youth group motto
  64. For flute and percussion (one performer).
    cataloging record for a Harold Genzmer composition
  65. Generally, that is always the case.
    beauty contestant
  66. Generally, you're always going to do that.
    Craig
  67. Good people like me are never self-righteous.
    anonymous
  68. Happy are those who are sad.
    Jesus, in Matthew 5.4
  69. He always asks about them every once in a while.
    The Russler
  70. He gets up at six o'clock no matter what time it is.
    Leo Rosten
  71. He has been instrumental in promoting a cappella music.
    anonymous
  72. He introduced his wife, a widow by the name of Marie Therese.
    Jean-Marie_Frerot
  73. He sideswiped the front of my truck.
    Bill Scott
  74. He spent an hour with me just a second ago.
    Michael Ellis
  75. He went into private practice with a big firm.
    Kathy Scott
  76. He's late 'cause he came in early.
    Burt Juarez
  77.  . . . heat has frozen your motor.
    state trooper in "Death In The Desert"
  78. Her favorite dress is her old blue jeans.
    Garth Brooks
  79. His face was sagging with tension.
    someone in England
  80. His light is dark.
    Myron Bruce
  81. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
    bumper sticker
  82. Hopefully, within 60 to 90 days, people will begin to see immediate activity.
    H. Ross Perot, Jr.
  83. How can I get over the fear of playing in front of people by myself?
    anonymous
  84. How Groucho Marx plans his ad-libs.
    TV Guide cover article
  85. How'd you do at the market?
    Farmer's wife

    Not as well as I expected, but then I didn't expect I would!
    Farmer
  86. [Humanism teaches that] man can do almost anything that he or she wants to do.
    David_Burks
  87. I always like the same thing: variety.
    The Russler
  88. I am not going to sit here and stand for those kind of insults.
    Rush Limbaugh
  89. I believe we are on an irreversible trend . . . but that could change.
    Dan Quayle (possibly)
  90. I bet that hurts a lot more when you're numb.
    Christine Wick
  91. I called you last night, but your phone rang busy.
    anonymous, overheard in an office
  92. I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
    Joe Walsh
  93. [  ] . . . I cannot read or write.
    box to check on a jury summons to gain an exemption
  94. I could see drinking that on a hot cold day.
    Jeannette Scott, referring to frappaccino
  95. I didn't go back to sleep until we got up in the morning.
    Carole Mabrey
  96. I didn't say anything!
    The Russler
    Yeah, but you said plenty of other things!
    Sherri Barber
  97. I distinctly remember forgetting that.
    Robert K. Oglesby
  98. I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology.
    James R. F. Quirk
  99. I don't have time for this -- I'm too bored!
    Dennis Malley
  100. I don't know much more than I know.
    a preacher in Texas
  101. I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it.
    Clarence Darrow
  102. I either have Alzheimer's or amnesia; I don't remember which.
    The Russler
  103. I hate all prejudiced people.
    Robert Scott
  104. I have a theory that it's impossible to prove anything, but I can't prove it.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  105. I have a two o'clock meeting from nine to eleven.
    Jerry_Miller
  106. I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
    Blaise Pascal
  107. I have nine different cards, but some of them are the same.
    Robert Scott
  108. I have no knowledge . . . or even less.
    Byron_Black
  109. I have opinons of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
    George H. W. Bush
  110. I just acquired a previous commitment.
    Hawkeye Pierce
  111. I like to watch the sunset come up every morning.
    Kyle Malone
  112. I loathe people who use esoteric language.
    Rich Lickfold, in a shameless attempt to make it into The Book.
  113. I may not live long enough to die!
    The Russler
  114. I never have made a mistake. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
    Steve Hecht
  115. I never heard [the song] "Wake Up Sunshine," and really loved it.
    a fan of Chicago [the band]
  116. I never make blanket statements.
    The Russler
  117. I practically had to slash my wrists to convince them I couldn't stand the sight of blood.
    anonymous
  118. I remember my house full of people, but I don't remember anybody being there.
    anonymous
  119. I sat down . . . to see where we stood.
    Joel Reeves
  120. I say just bleach them black or navy blue.
    Kathy Scott
  121. I stay up nights, tossing and turning in my bed.
    Marie Barone
  122. I think that people who resort to name-calling are dull, disrespectful, stupid, irreverent, moronic, rude, imbecilic, derisive idiots.
    The Russler, in "Dumb Things People Say"
  123. I think there should be a pretty high level of mediocrity required of coaches.
    Robert Scott
  124. I thought I had forwarded this [E-mail] last week. If I did not, here it is again.
    manager
  125. I used to be what I am, but I'm not anymore.
    Georgette
  126. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
    anonymous
  127. I want to be remembered as somebody who scorned the whole idea of wanting to be remembered.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  128. I want to speak to the pastor personally by phone.
    caller to a church office
  129. I was permanently disturbed for a while.
    anonymous
  130. I was suffering in ecstasy.
    from the song "Double Shot Of My Baby's Love"
  131. I was the first one there, and Trisha was already there.
    Billy Graham
  132. I will establish democracy by dictatorial decree!
    benevolent fascist
  133. I wish it was cold outside so I could wish it was hot.
    Atwater
  134. I work 50 to 60 hours a week every day, six days a week.
    Joel Hope on "Divorce Court"
  135. I worked hard for my welfare benefits.
    anonymous
  136. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
    anonymous
  137. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
    anonymous
  138. I'm a deeply superficial person.
    Andy Warhol
  139. I'm a grandfather and don't even know it.
    Col. Sherman T. Potter
  140. I'm afraid someday she's going to show up [at work] dead.
    Kathy Scott
  141. I'm happy to be stuck with you.
    sung by Huey Lewis And The News
  142. I'm going to be remembered as "Ron, The Forgotten Man."
    Ron, The Forgotten Man
  143. I'm going to live through this if it kills me!
    Max Klinger
  144. I'm going to quit smoking if it kills me.
    anonymous
  145. I'm not going to gang up on you all by myself.
    Jonathan Scott
  146. I'm not indecisive, I just can't make up my mind.
    Vickie Taylor
  147. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to apologize.
    anonymous, quoted by Sherri Barber
  148. I'm tired of resting.
    Will Geer
  149. I'm writing to tell you I have nothing to say.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  150. I've already sat today about all I can stand.
    Vonnie Bennet
  151. I've been forgetting things lately. I don't remember having this problem before.
    Kathy Scott
  152. If fainting occurs, contact your doctor.
    self-help instructions
  153. If I can survive death I can probably survive anything.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  154. If I get there first, I'll make a chalk mark; if you get there first, rub it out.
    Mack & Moran
  155. If I had a little humility, I'd be perfect.
    Ted Turner
  156. If Tchaikovsky were alive today, he'd be turning in his grave.
    someone in England
  157. If that needs immediate action, it will have to wait till Monday.
    anonymous engineer
  158. If the odds are a million to one against something happening, chances are fifty-fifty it will.
    Murphy
  159. If the type on this page is too small to read, you will want to get the large print edition.
    The Russler
  160. If there is a fifty-fifty chance that something can go wrong, then nine times out of ten it will.
    Paul Harvey
  161. If there was a cave-in and it killed me, I could live with that.
    The Russler
  162. If there were a pie here, it would be gone!
    The Russler
  163. If two trains shall meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
    Kansas state law
  164. If we stop to look at stuff, we aren't going to see anything.
    an adult leading a group of children through a museum
  165. If we're not already, we are by now.
    Ellis Touchton
  166. If you are here and you need to respond . . . 
    often heard at the end of a sermon
  167. If you can't view this email, click here.
    E-mail from American Musical Supply
  168. If you don't get this letter, return it to me and I'll be happy to photocopy it for you.
    The Russler
  169. If you fall and break both your legs, don't come running to me!
    Mom
  170. If you missed it, you have one last chance to see it again.
    ad for "The Bachelorette," which I've never seen but hope to see again
  171. If you used to be here . . . but you're not here now, stand up.
    Robert K. Oglesby
  172. If you weren't in one of the less than a dozen empty seats at Friday Night's Evening At Pops, . . . you really missed something.
    Ayer Public Spirit
  173. In a race of far less importance, but not much less . . . 
    Mark Davis
  174. In love again for the first time.
    Carole King
  175. In 1994 I worked almost three years in crime prevention.
    a Richardson, Texas policeman
  176. Include me out!
    probably attributed to Yogi Berra
  177. India is the finest climate under the sun; but a lot of young fellows come out here, and they drink and they eat, and they drink and they die: and then they write home to their parents a pack of lies, say it's the climate that has killed them.
    Sir Colin Campbell, British officer charged by British War Department to report on morale problems with the British army in India
  178. Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  179. Instructions for extracting files from this diskette are contained on a file on this diskette.
    from the contents of a file on a diskette
  180. Is everyone here? Raise you're hand if you aren't.
    anonymous
  181. It all comes out on the inside eventually.
    Steely Dan
  182. It certainly is not certain yet.
    anonymous
  183. It costs three times as much for two to live as cheap as one.
    song "Oh Why Did I Get Married?"
  184. It makes neither sense nor nonsense.
    Carlston
  185. It might ultimately be tried first in Europe.
    radio announcer on KRLD
  186. It occurred to me lately that nothing has occurred to me lately.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  187. It sank right to the top.
    Jeff Feath
  188. It seems, from what I gather, to be one of those simple cases which are so extremely difficult.
    Sherlock Holmes
  189. It turned up missing.
    many people
  190. It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
    Mark Twain
  191. It was the same as a two-room school house, except that it was three rooms.
    Robert Scott
  192. It wasn't completely opaque.
    anonymous
  193. It's expensive, but it's cheap.
    Len Catanach
  194. It's good to be bad.
    Bobby Womack
  195. It's great to be back in the city of Boston . . . again . . . for the very first time.
    Emo Phillips
  196. It's Hip To Be Square
    sung by Huey Lewis And The News
  197. It's not an optical illusion; it just looks like one.
    Phil White
  198. It's not every day you see snow in June.
    Jeannette Scott
  199. It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
    Woody Allen
  200. It's on the same side of the street from that, right across the street from it.
    Robert Scott
  201. It's one of those movies where you knew exactly what was going to happen before you ever saw it, if you saw it.
    Jeannette Scott
  202. . . . It's real! It's fiction! . . .
    Oprah Winfrey, promoting a book on her TV show
  203. It's south of Abilene, but I don't know which direction.
    Kathy Scott
  204. It's unanimous -- we agree on nothing.
    overheard at a business meeting
  205. It's unlucky to be superstitious.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  206. Jerome saw that and wanted to buy it sight unseen.
    David Beck
  207. John Redwood is a young man, but, let's face it, so was Margaret Thatcher in 1975.
    Edward Leigh
  208. Just because they are alike, doesn't mean they are the same.
    John Kevin Brown
  209. Just a few more hours, and I'll be right home to you.
    sung by KISS
  210. Keep your eyes opened behind you.
    Rush Limbaugh
  211. Keep your mouth shut and eat everything on your plate.
    Mom
  212. Lethargy is beginning to kick in.
    anonymous
  213. Like a lot of you . . . I'd be first in line to buy it.
    a Chicago fan (How many people can be first in line?)
  214. Marlon Brando in his own words: Songs My Mother Taught Me.
    radio commercial
  215. Man, when I tell you she was cool, she was red hot.
    sung by Thin Lizzy
  216. Move slow as fast as you can.
    Capt. Cragen on "Law And Order"
  217. My life is simply too complicated.
    anonymous
  218. Never listen to advice.
    anonymous
  219. Never say "never," and never say "always," because there's always an exception.
    Dewey_Leggett, producing a double IB
  220. No refreshments shall be supplied to any member after the above named hours, and none shall be supplied for consumption off the club premises except to a member on the premises at the time.
    private club rule
  221. None of us got to sit all together.
    anonymous
  222. Notice: This garment meets the general wearing apparel requirements of the Flammable Fabrics Act; however, it is flammable and should not be worn near sources of fire.
    tag on item of apparel from Wear Guard of Norwell, Massachussetts
  223. Oh, and if you don't have E-mail, then call me at 301-4556.
    John Fierke, at the bottom of an E-mail
  224. Oh, we are so wet, but we are staying dry.
    Chad Gardner (a.k.a.Blister Boy), when asked about the weather
  225. Ohio is the birthplace of more Presidents than any other state -- eight. Virginia also has 8.
    Key to the City website (By the way, only seven presidents were born in Ohio.)
  226. Once I get started, I don't know where to begin.
    anonymous
  227. One after another, they did not come back.
    Henry Crow Dog
  228. One of the center's largest events is on National Coming Out Day in the fall. Students are able to share their coming out stories in person or anonymously, Winser-Johns said.
    Makenzie_Plusnick   (Nothing like coming out anonymously!)
  229. One of the worst of my many faults is that I'm too critical of myself.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  230. Place contents of package in covered casserole dish.
    prepared food instructions
  231. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
    anonymous
  232. Predestination was doomed from the start.
    anonymous
  233. Promote the use of minority businesses, women-owned businesses and other disadvantaged businesses. Ensure that the suppliers that you are working with do not condone discriminatory practices.
    EDS
  234. Regardless of anything to the contrary in this booklet, if your medical insurance terminates for any reason including death, you . . . may elect within 30 days . . . to continue such medical insurance . . . 
    Consolidated Group Trust
  235. Remember me? I'm the one who never made any impression on you.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  236. Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
    Werner von Braun
  237. Resolved: That we shall build a new courthouse.
    Resolved: That the new courthouse shall be built using materials from the old courthouse.
    Resolved: That the old courthouse shall remain in use until the completion of the new courthouse.
    a county commission in Mississippi
  238. Right now we have a special where you can get 500 minutes for $50 for free.
    Darren the cellular telephone salesman
  239. Roderick Vereen, a public defender, had filed a motion to delay [Mr.] Hill's execution until after Hill had served his federal sentence of life in prison.
    Associated Press
  240. San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
    Herb Caen
  241. Secret marriages are not allowed.
    private college rule
  242. She never told me she was a mime.
    Al
  243. She was never at home going out with me.
    The Russler
  244. She was the last of an endless line . . .
    a widow, talking about her late husband's mistress
  245. She's afraid they'll starve to death for the rest of their lives.
    Kathy Scott
  246. She's not able to get around, and she's been traveling quite a bit.
    Robin Roberts on "Good Morning America"
  247. She's the boy I'll never have.
    Kyle Malone, referring to one of his daughters
  248. 60% of them were minorities.
    Bill Rathburn, Dallas police chief
  249. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.
    Apostle Paul, in Second Corinthians 4.18
  250. Some Of My Lies Are True.
    sung by Huey Lewis And The News
  251. Some people in this department wouldn't recognize sublety if it hit them on the head.
    anonymous
  252. Someday I'm going to look back on this nightmare and think of it as just a bad dream.
    B. J. Honeycutt
  253. Something is missing. Can you spot it?
    Ashleigh Banfield
  254. something that we thought was unthinkable
    Robert K. Oglesby
  255. Sometime I'd like to be here when I'm gone.
    Beetle Bailey's Sarge
  256. Sounds like it's going to be a great film. I hope they release it sooner than they shot it.
    deejay
  257. Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible.
    Sam Goldwyn
  258. Spontenaity is all right, provided they can rehearse it first.
    Edwin Newman
  259. Stage right as you look at the stage.
    D._Rice (In other words, stage left.)
  260. Stop calling me immature, or I'll tell on you!
    anonymous
  261. Thanks for all your help, especially the other night when [the] RAD [system] crashed for the day.
    Jeff Feath
  262. That's the only reason I bring it up. The other reason I bring it up is . . . 
    Andrew P. Smith
  263. The city of Pompeii was frozen by hot lava.
    Robert K. Oglesby
  264. The commercials aren't louder; they just sound louder.
    TV engineer James Withrow
  265. The difference is the same.
    Dale Jensen
  266. The first step in remembering a person's name is to:
    1. Hear the person's name clearly.
    2. Get a clear impression of the person as a person.
    Dale Carnegie
  267.   *  
  268. The generating of random numbers is far too important to be left to chance.
    anonymous
  269. The help I need most urgently is admitting that I need help.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  270. The interests of the employers and the employed are the same nine times out of ten -- I will even say ninety-nine times out of ten.
    Lord Curzon
  271.  . . . the longer I stayed, the more I saw; and what I saw [was] their eyes . . . when you look into those eyes you see nothing.
    Ana Martinez
  272. The New York City Metropolitan Area has more people than the entire state of New York!!
    Key to the City website
  273. The odds are a million to one against my being one in a million.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  274. The only difference that I see is that you are exactly as you used to be.
    sung by The Wallflowers
  275. The Orthodox Church changes only in order to remain the same.
    anonymous
  276. The risk is minimal, at the most.
    Dr._Earl_R._Lund,_M.D., trying to convince a patient that the best it can be is the worst it can be
  277. The sound is unbelievable. You're gonna have to hear it to believe it.
    Shaun
  278. The superfluous is very necessary.
    Voltaire
  279. The three most important things to me are math and winning.
    Sgt. Canady
  280. The three of us will make a lovely couple.
    Neil Simon
  281. The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.
    Alexander Haig
  282. The whole thing is solid stripes.
    Kathy Scott
  283. The winding road I traveled led me straight to your heart.
    sung by Chicago
  284. There are two ways to write error-free [computer] programs. Only the third one works.
    anonymous
  285. There are no wrong answers in unschooling, and there is room to learn from error.
    an unschooler (No wrong answers? Then where's the error?)
  286. There is a customer from the PA EBT project sitting in the empty cube across from Gregg Hayes.
    someone at work
  287. There is a vast degree of sleaze, more than actually exists.
    Robin Oakley
  288. There is more pure chocolate in our all-butter cookies than any other ingredient.
    Safeway label
  289. There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
    anonymous
  290. There is nothing so important as trifles.
    Sherlock Holmes
  291. There she was -- gone!
    German farmer
  292. There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.
    George Carlin
  293. There's a time for laughing, and there's a time for not laughing; this is not one of them.
    Inspector Clousseau
  294. There's no future in time travel.
    anonymous
  295. There's no such thing as an anonymous procedure. At least not that I know of.
    Gary Sanders
  296. These are my three sons. They're twins!
    anonymous
  297. These are similar in different ways.
    anonymous engineer
  298. They are always in rare form.
    a Chicago fan
  299. They found their way back to a place they'd never been.
    movie preview
  300. They had a little boy who was tall and big.
    Robert K. Oglesby
  301. They had to return to their destinations.
    reporter on the FAA shutdown, referring to planes in mid-flight
  302. They have one of those floor fans on a stand.
    Elizabeth Wright
  303. They may decide not to make a decision.
    Robert_X._Cringely
  304. They need to get in their places before they come in.
    overheard before a chorus performance
  305. They was goin' to either walk away alive, or they was goin' to walk away dead.
    someone on a show about the intelligence of chickens
  306. They were empty, but they were full of cards.
    anonymous
  307. They were laughing in my face behind my back.
    The Russler
  308. They worship inamimate objects and other living things.
    Rush Limbaugh
  309. They'll probably cut my head off and hang me by the neck.
    The Russler
  310. They're both unique in the same way.
    anonymous
  311. Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
    anonymous
  312. This is the exception that proves the rule.
    anonymous engineer
  313. This version is very similar to version 2.11, with several changes.
    anonymous
  314. This was the best waste of time I ever had.
    Tom Cochrane
  315. Three unrelated things that have something in common.
    Carole Mabry, guessing at an answer in Tri-Bond, a board game whose aim is similar to
    Lien À Trois.
  316. Too much is not enough.
    sung by the Bellamy Brothers
  317. Try to move slowly but swiftly.
    Shannon from House Improvements
  318. Two things he was not able to do before, he's beginning to be able to do again.
    John Madden
  319. Unless faced with emergencies, the IAS team commits to the following intervals. . . .
    In order to meet the time guidelines, emergencies will no longer be accepted.
    the IAS team
  320. Usually I gain weight every time I go on vacation.
    someone advertising a weight loss product
  321. Vote Anarchist
    bumper sticker
  322. Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
    Mark Twain.
  323. Watch for invisible blocks.
    SuperBlast instructions
  324. Watch me and get off one stop before I do.
    overheard on a bus
  325. We are always proving that "nothing is constant, but change."
    Gayle Diane Cordell
  326. We are on a journey that requires patience combined with a sense of urgency to get there as quickly as we can.
    overheard
  327. We didn't refuse; we just said no.
    Michael Kirk
  328. We fell silent, remarking, "The will of the Lord be done!"
    Luke, in Acts 21.14
  329. We have a three month release cycle, and almost four months of that is testing.
    Dale Jensen
  330. We need to know what the invisible screens look like.
    Dave_Mitchell
  331. We think it has a much better chance to be as good as always.
    Labron_Harris,_Jr.
  332. We were so busy, we didn't do anything.
    Alecia Ragan
  333. We will fight to the death for our pacifist aims.
    anonymous
  334. We'd better start early so if we're late, we'll be on time.
    Durward Cline
  335. We're all in this alone.
    Lily Tomlin
  336. We’re not quite ready, so give me a couple of minutes and we’ll call you back in a second.
    conference call participant
  337. We've been through it all -- and more.
    Rachel_Drayer
  338. We're the only secret organization in the world that no one's ever heard of!
    Maxwell Smart
  339. Well, it's very similar to this, but it's a lot different.
    antique mall customer
  340. What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
    Ursula_K._LeGuin
  341. What's your phone number?
    B. Grace's mother, asked of him over the phone when she initiated the call
  342. Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
    Mahatma Gandhi
  343. When I am weak, then I am strong.
    Apostle Paul, in Second Corinthians 12.10
  344. When I got on Woodall Rogers [Freeway], it [the traffic] stopped, and it stayed stopped until I got past LBJ [Freeway].
    Charles_Bentley, who didn't explain how he traveled a dozen miles while stopped
  345. When I think of how I prayed he would get well, I could murder him.
    anonymous
  346. When you get to be my age, you start to lose your eyesight, your hearing, and . . . let's see . . . what was the other thing?
    Grandma Lewis
  347. Why isn't there some cheap and easy way I can prove how much you mean to me?
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  348. Why do I have to stop living to keep from dying?
    Michael Ellis, talking about dieting
  349. Working for these people would put gray hairs on a bald man!
    anonymous
  350. Would you care to drift aimlessly in my direction?
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  351. Y'all be quiet and yell!
    high school cheerleader trying to keep kids from chatting during a pep rally
  352. Yesterday it took her almost a day and a half.
    Sprint employee
  353. You are unique -- just like everybody else.
    Laurie Varley
  354. You can count on an unpredictable number of wild cards.
    Games magazine
  355. You can use the "readonly" command to ensure that the value of a variable cannot be changed.
    Mark Sobell, who needs to explain the meaning of "variable" to me again
  356. You have a great future, even if the future isn't what it used to be.
    Yogi Berra, to a graduating class
  357. You have reached Jim Galloway. I'm not available right now . . . 
    Jim Galloway's voice
  358. You should have been there after you left.
    Michael Kirk
  359. Your mind has to be working all of the time most of the time.
    Robert L. Scott, on being a teacher

  *   This reminds me of the printed instructions I received with something I bought.
In large letters, they proclaimed, "AS EASY AS 1, 2, 3!"
Following that were several pages outlining eleven steps.

Many of these are anonymous because I collected them a while before I started writing down the source.
THE RUSSLER
Word Wild Web
Dumb Things People Say
Lien À Trois
Elmwood Court
E-mail