Clippings From Church Bulletins |
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and other church announcements |
In the bulletin for the church where I worship,*
there appeared this request on behalf of someone recovering from surgery: No visitors, calls / cards welcome. I wondered whether this was shorthand for No visitors or calls allowed, but cards are welcome. or for No visitors allowed. Calls and cards are welcome. But I thought this more straightforward: No visitors, calls, or cards are welcome. See what you can make of these other notices. . . . |
Additional volunteers are needed for next week's Easter Egg Nog Hunt. |
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After a study of the book of Philemon we will resume our study of the New Testament. |
Allison Perozzo is recovering from having her wisdom taken out last week. |
Area Promise Keepers are having a pancake breakfast for the Community Cooperative Ministry shelter for abused and battered women. They've been touching women for Christ for ten years. |
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. |
Barbara C remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. |
BASEBALL TICKETS Everyone is invited to a tea honoring our graduating senior girls. |
Chinese Pizza Supper Tonight 1 |
Church seeking preacher: Starts August 6. Send resume by June 1. Include wife, transcripts, and references. |
Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. |
Congregational Singing Wednesday Evening July 14, 20004 2 |
Danny holds a bachelor degree from Ouchita Baptist College. 3 |
Don't forget, Ash Wednesday is Monday, March 5th. |
Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help. |
Due to the rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice. |
During five days, April 1-4, 2014, Brian Davis organized and led a seminar . . . |
During the absence of our minister, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon from John Smith who supplied the pulpit. |
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. |
Evening massage - 6 PM |
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. |
God Is Good. Dr Hargreaves is better. |
Harewood Christian Discussion Group: We shall be meeting on Wednesday, 11th April, when the subject will be "Heaven: How do we get there?" Transport is available at 7:55 PM from the bus stop opposite the Harewood Arms. |
Her favorite song is Ten Thousand Angles. |
If you want to be a superhero for God, you could wear a costume, or even nothing at all. |
In case of rain the community prayer vigil will be moved to the Christian Strife Center at Pennington Street Baptist Church. |
Individuals and choirs from several area churches will untie at the park for one great evening of praise and worship. |
Internet Pornography Sessions Begin Wednesday. |
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married October 24 here at the church building, thus ending a friendship which began in school days. |
Jon's dad formerly preached in Opelika and Mobile, but is now working. |
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. |
Let us pray for those who are sick of this church. |
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. |
Mary Ruth Shaunessy is doing well following a procedure which was performed to help relieve abdominal pain at Baylor. |
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. |
Next Sunday Mrs Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's A Terrible Experience." |
Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. |
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High." |
Our sympathy is extended to Samuel Austin, whose mother pasted away. |
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. |
Pepe is in the hospital with a sever staff infection and requets our prayers for her successful recovery. She and her husband are very close friends. 4 |
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered. |
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM. Prayer and medication to follow. |
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. |
Several members of our youth department are collecting donations for Operation Graduation. Funds will be used for a drug and alcohol party following graduation on May 29th. |
She is very upset, as her mother has breasts. |
Sin, choirs of angels, sin in exultation. |
So far this year we have seven (6) beautiful little ones and their families to honor. |
Some of our numbers are ill. |
Thank you, Lord, for the many miracles we are too blond to see. |
The agenda was adopted. The minutes were approved. The financial secretary gave a grief report. |
The annual Easter Egg Hunt will be Saturday from 10:00 to 10:03 a.m. on the rear lawn. |
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession. |
The Baby shower will be at 2:00 p.m. Saturday. All ladies invited. No clothing needed. |
"The church in the 90s -- How do I respond as a christian woman?" Our lesson this week will be presented by Ben Cole, John Crowder, and Bill Vaught. |
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility. |
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell on her. |
The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. |
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. |
The Johnson family will attend the funeral of Susie's former husband, who died in Flint, Michigan tomorrow. |
The ladies of the church are collecting items for Newborns in Need: fabric and supplies for knitting, crocheting, quilting, and sewing; finished goods; new and gently used clothing and blankets in good condition. Please place your baby in the bassinet located in the hallway. |
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. |
The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. |
The minister spoke briefly, much to the delight of the congregation. |
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 volunteers to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. |
The "Over 60s Choir" will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church. |
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy." |
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. |
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. |
The rosebud on the altar is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs Julius Belzer. |
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. |
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks On The Water. The sermon tonight: Searching For Jesus. |
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment. |
There was a break-in at the Open Door Baptist Church last week. Burglars entered through a rear window. |
There will be a meeting for those who like to cook and comfort those who mourn. |
There will be a procession next Sunday afternoon in the grounds of the monastery; but if it rains in the afternoon, the procession will take place in the morning. |
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. |
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Johnson to come forward and lay an egg at the altar. |
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. |
Today's Sermon: How much can a man drink? With Hymns from a full choir. |
Tonight's sermon: What Is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice. |
22 were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs Martha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs Crutchfield and Mrs Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why. |
Ushers will eat latecomers. |
We are accepting candy and individually wrapped monetary donations in the office. |
We have one car in the parking light with its licence running. |
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. |
NOTES | |
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* | The framed entries are from our bulletins, newsletters, and announcements. The rest are contributions from elsewhere. |
1. | What is Chinese Pizza? |
2. | This what I call advanced planning. I saw this in 2004, i.e. 18,000 years before the event! |
3. | It should be "Ouachita" (pronounced "WAH-chuh-Tah"). |
4. | The words "sever," "staff" and "requets" appear here exactly as in the original announcement. But of course, that's not why I included this clipping. |
THE RUSSLER |
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Word Wild Web |
Dumb Things People Say |
Lien À Trois |
Elmwood Court |