Waiter, Waiter!
| Diner: | Waiter, bring me some turtle soup. And make it snappy! |
| Waiter: | My name is Jason, if you need anything. |
| Diner: | What is your name if I don't need anything? |
| Diner: | Is the coffee fresh? |
| Waiter: | I'm sure it is. We've only been open two weeks. |
| Waiter: | Tea or coffee, gentlemen? |
| First Diner: | I'll have tea. |
| Second Diner: | I'll have tea, also. And make sure the glass is clean! |
| Later . . . | |
| Waiter: | Two teas. Which of you asked for the clean glass? |
| Diner: | Bring me a steak, and make it lean! |
| Waiter: | Which way? |
| Waiter: | Would you like your coffee black? |
| Diner: | What other colors do you have? |
| Diner: | What is this fly doing in my soup? |
| Waiter: | The backstroke! |
| Diner: | What kind of pie is this, apple or peach? |
| Waiter: | What does it taste like? |
| Diner: | It tastes like glue! |
| Waiter: | Then it's apple. The peach tastes like paste. |
| Diner: | I'll have two eggs with bacon and hash browns. |
| Waiter: | How do you like your eggs? |
| Diner: | I like them a lot. That's why I'm ordering them! |
| Waiter: | No, I mean, how do you like them cooked? |
| Diner: | I like them much better that way. |
| Diner: | This coffee tastes like mud! |
| Waiter: | That's funny. It was just ground this morning. |
| Diner: | Waiter, I can't eat this soup! |
| Waiter: | Just a minute. I'll call the headwaiter. |
| Diner: | Headwaiter, I can't eat this soup! |
| Headwaiter: | Just a minute. I'll call the maitre d'. |
| Diner: | Maitre d', I can't eat this soup! |
| Maitre d': | Just a minute. I'll call the manager. |
| Diner: | Manager, I can't eat this soup! |
| Manager: | Just a minute. I'll call the owner. |
| Diner: | Owner, I can't eat this soup! |
| Owner: | Just a minute. I'll call the cook. |
| Diner: | Cook, I can't eat this soup! |
| Cook: | Why not? |
| Diner: | I don't have a spoon! |