Quotes From Alfred E. Neuman

• "What, Me Worry?"
• "Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!"
• "Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!"
• "In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!"
• "Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!"
• "If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!"
• "The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!"
• "Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!"
• "How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but stealing from many is research?"
• "Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!"
• "Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!"
• "A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!"
• "How come we choose from just two people for President, and fifty for Miss America?"
• "Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!"
• "You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!"
• "Blood is thicker than water . . . but it makes lousy lemonade!
• "The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!"
• "A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!"
• "It's a good idea to save your money. One day it might be worth something again!"
• "Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!"
• "Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?"
• "America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign."
• "When you're in deep water it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut!"
• "A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!"
• "A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!"
• "Most people are too lazy to open the door when opportunity knocks!"
• "Most minds are like concrete . . . all mixed up and permanently set!"
• "Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!"
• "A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!"
• "Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for."
• "These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar."
• "You know the Honeymoon's over when your dog brings your slippers, and your wife barks at you!"
• "Too often, people who want to offer sound advice give more sound than advice!"
• "Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to T.V.!"
• "Ever notice how random chance always picks you for Jury Duty, but not to win the lottery?"
• "These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!"