Mrs. Malaprop is a character from "The Rivals" by Richard Sheridan.
A lot of people are leaving the company; the nutrition rate is
too high.
The Cromulent Guy
A nuance is after 15 minutes for a dog barking.
Heather_Thomas
A wonderful family to be apart of!
someone who needs a dictionary
Alcoholics Unanimous
George Whitney Calhoun
. . . and there's a traumatic difference between the two.
anonymous
Are you getting the jest of this?
Dr. Elexis_Rice
. . . as interchangeable as the seasons
Rush Limbaugh
Be weary of businesses that put flyers out and go door to door looking for work.
Officer Tommy Davis
. . . banging on their chests with a primeval scream.
Michael_O'Donnell
But I don't have an intricate relationship with it.
anonymous
by in large
anonymous
candlelight visual
Elvis fan on her way to Memphis
Children are our most valuable acid.
Boy Scouts Of America, in an advertisement
Come girls! This gentleman will exhort us.
Mrs. Malaprop
Cut the biblical cord.
Jeff Feath
DFW is second only to the Silicone Valley
[for high-tech companies].
newscaster
den of inequity
Jeff_Hallford
Did you watch the space shovel take off?
Frances_Magdalena_Antunes
Doctors told me that if my daughter had lived, she most likely would have
been a vegetarian.
guest on a "Maury" show
Does anyone has a tall leather that I can use to go up the roof to trim my tree.
poster on NextDoor
Dreams do come through.
Rick_Jasin
Everybody had some antidotes to tell.
Carole Mabry
Few gentlemen now-a-days know how to value the ineffectual
qualities in a woman!
Mrs. Malaprop
Frankincense Monster
Bugs Bunny
God came to earth in mortal, humane form.
Dick_Burt
Happy Office Assistance Day
an R.N. in Kathy's office
He is the very pineapple of politeness.
Mrs. Malaprop
He looks like that black guy with the tomahawk haircut.
David Beck
He loves to fight. If he didn't get no pay for it, he'd still want to
fight just to relieve the monopoly.
Chuck Wergels
He vicariously picked people for no reason at all.
Elyse Martin's friend,
redundantly meaning "arbitrarily"
He was recently diagnosed with prostrate cancer.
too many people to count
heart-rendering
Frank Kirkland
Her business seems to be doing well; it must be very ludicrous.
Jill Moudy's friend
Herod made a great orientation.
Roy_Neal
hissing cobras
Myron_Bruce
hollowed ground
a visitor to Arlington National Cemetary
Hors Devours & Dessert will be served at both receptions
T. Dirk Smith
How do you feel about the current goovoolatorial race?
The Cromulent Guy
I am a Pieces, and a rather sensitive one at that.
Kristine_Corey
I can empathasize with Linda.
The Russler
I can see how that could easily be misconscrewed.
Jo_Nelle
I can syncronize with those homeless people.
Frances_Magdalena_Antunes
I could hear footprints.
Sharon Blevins
I do emphasize greatly with Robert Lamm.
Alicia_Walters
I don’t want my baby to get the RSVP virus.
a lady at the doctor’s office
I have interceded another letter from the fellow.
Mrs. Malaprop
I have taken many of God's blessings for granite.
questionnaire filler-outter
I just wanted to say . . . how deplorable it is for
college educated . . . people to find decent paying jobs
in this town.
writer of a letter to an editor
I let my prescription run out on that magazine.
Garry_Antunes
I like to draw those geographic figures called squares.
John Crowder
I need new screams on my windows.
Frances_Magdalena_Antunes
I shutter to think what would have happened . . .
someone on social media
I think this may be the jest of your entire letter.
Alice
I went far be on any rules to satisfy the GM customer.
Sandy_Watters-Bevan
I whacked my head so hard I got a conclusion.
Cousin Tom
I wouldn't dream of taking my dog outside without a leach.
someone on social media
I'd like a cheeseburger on rye bread with purified onions.
patron in a cafeteria line
I'm feeling lack-a-daisy today.
The Cromulent Guy
I'm going to the store to buy a soup latrine.
Debra Bentley's friend
I'm on a wrong-way street!
Durwood Cline
I’m posting in an attempt to reach any of these wittiness.
someone on social media wondering who a certain traffic accident
I'm selling my car to this guy. We came here because we heard you were
notorious.
a Swedish employee, to a notary public
I'm traveling incoherent.
Susan Barber, wearing sunglasses
I'm volunteering to work at the poles during this election.
Teresa_Van_Dusen, world traveler
I've been getting the corpse ahead of the hearse most of
my life.
Richard Rogers
I've been mostly camping and living in hostiles.
Jonathan Scott
I've got to hop in the chowder.
Cousin Tom
if anyone lives around here, just be weary and stay safe!
someone on social media
If I reprehend any thing in this world, it is the use of my
oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs!
Mrs. Malaprop
If that's something you expire to do . . .
Herman_Procter
If you're late, we'll have to dot you. If you're ten minutes late,
you will be dotted.
anonymous boss
If you've worked up enough coverage to go for it, call Keven Ladwig.
anonymous
Illiterate him, I say, quite from your mind.
Mrs. Malaprop
In the unlikely invent of an emergency . . .
Dallas County Assistant Clerk
It was a total world wind at our house.
Shari_Johns
It was part of the decorum.
Frank Velez, referring to a balloon above his desk
It's a mute point.
lots of people
It's like an alcatraz around my neck.
Boston_mayor_Menio
It's not like I can go home every night and smuggle with her.
John_Mazurek
Jesus gave The Sermon On The Mount when he took his disciples apart.
the preacher
Ken already has a good repertoire with the waitress.
David Beck
Let's do this in one foul sweep.
Billy_Wayne_Clayton
Live in let live.
Stephanie_Parra
Local restaurants have honored her memory on their marquis.
Liz_Howell
Make no delusions to the past!
Mrs. Malaprop
Making mistakes on our usually flawless show is disarming.
Ron Chapman
Masks are anything but full proof.
Steven_Kilgore
(I did find a web site that claimed that there is a legal term "full proof."
But the explanation began like this: "The term full proof refer to evidence which . . ."
Obviously, the writer did not have command of English grammar, so I did not take this seriously.)
My doctor stays true to his Apothecary Oath.
The Cromulent Guy
My husband was chosen as a wheelbarrow for his friend's funeral.
anonymous
My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.
Cynthia L. Thomas
my self of steam
anonymous
My uncle died of Lou Sterrett's disease.
The Cromulent Guy
(Lou Sterrett is the name of a prison.)
neon stockings
Time Magazine
Not returning pages? This is not expectable!
somebody's manager
Now I'll give everyone a brief overdraft of the changes.
speaker on a conference call
Oh! It gives me the hydrostatics to such a degree!
Mrs. Malaprop
Our retrospection will now be all to the future.
Mrs. Malaprop
People have the persona that all Texans wear cowboy hats.
blond on commercial for "Most Eligible Dallas"
polo bears
Time Magazine
Put the trash in the Hipsy-Hampster.
Frances_Magdalena_Antunes
Q. Do you want to go to lunch? A. Of course! I'm emancipated!
a blond
Q. [Upon detecting organic fertilizer,] What's that awful smell?
A. Oh, that's maneuver!
unnamed eighth grader
Q. You won't miss it, then? A. Not one aorta!
Jeff Feath
Remember Pearl Island.
Time Magazine
Roger Thornhill is an ad exec who goes on the lamb with improvised gusto.
Time Magazine
She fell and got a great big gooseneck on her head.
Gayle Napier
She has a photogenic memory.
Dot Inloes
She was from Thailand or some other erotic place.
Ivette_Ortiz
She would have a supercilious knowledge in accounts, and,
as she grew up, I would have her instructed in geometry,
that she might know something of the contagious countries.
This . . . is what I would have a woman know; and I don't
think there is a superstitious article in it.
Mrs. Malaprop
She's a good singer but she's no fried chicken.
Durwood Cline
She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile.
Mrs. Malaprop
Sorry for the incontinence.
Christine_Duffy,
in an email message to everyone in the office,
apologizing for the unavailability of a copier that was down for repair,
having blindly accepted the first suggestion offered by the Outlook
spelling checker for her misspelling of "inconvenience"
= AND =
an administrator at Edison Community College (repeatedly)
taking over the reigns of leadership.
a Southeast VP at EDS
Teach them, and let them decimate the information.
Sam_Mihdawi
That baby don't look nothing like me! We don't got the same nose, the
same mouth, and he has a receiving hairline!
guest on a "Maury" show
That guy in the White House, George Snuffleupagus . . .
Jason_Young
The City is negotiating with the Kansas City Southern Railway so Richardson can
take over the maintenance of the right away and Kansas City Southern will
compensate the City for a portion of the work.
Joe_Russum,
JJP_HOA_Newsletter
The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!
Cheryl Gilbert
The guy literallyflew down the stairs!
Elyse Martin's brother-in-law,
using "literally" to mean "figuratively," as many do
The judge said we need to get a conjunction against him.
would-be victim
The most important decision is that of excepting Jesus in your life.
author of an evangelistic form letter
The only way other than abstinence to be sure that you will not contact
an STD is to remain in a monotonous relationship.
concerned schoolgirl
The police in courage people to call 911 if they see or feel like something is odd.
someone on social media
The script needs to be kept in sink.
computer programmer, in an E-mail
Their relationship was purely plutonic.
The Russler
There was a holdup at the HEB store, and the robber forced the clerk
to perform oreo sex.
anonymous
They downloaded the hurricane.
Cynthia L. Thomas
They live in a two-storage house.
Frances_Magdalena_Antunes
They think they can do it in one setting.
Pat
They'll have to retaliate the vote.
Debra Bentley's friend
This is no longer just a bubbling brook.
a reporter during a hurricane-induced flood
. . . this is really a jack of all trades and master of non.
a reviewer of the Zoom H4 Handy Recorder
Tit for tit.
anonymous
To avoid all that, I'll stop speaking English. From now on, I'll just
speak in the binocular.
Joseph Estrada, vice president of the Philippines
To help diffuse this problem, Brian would like to deliver regular
status memos . . .
Jason_Lovinger
To make the drawers work better, rub them with paraphernalia.
Craig_Mathis
Two friends of mine bought a bagel and moved to California.
Frances_Magdalena_Antunes
. . . until death do us apart.
anonymous in an E-mail essay
Veterinary technician required for boarding kennel.
Must be conscious and a self-starter.
want ad
We can't be a pancreas to the whole world's problems.
anonymous
We drove around and looked at some apartments, and then we looked at
some condoms.
Jerry Dowell
We need to be prepared to step in a build some breaches.
Red_Doherty
We need to do this in a safe and healthy environment that is Gentle
and Gentile.
Dennis_Bryan,
Superintendent of Cibola_County schools
in New_Mexico
(emphasis his)
We were young: college students, full of vim and vinegar.
Robert Oglesby
We who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord shall not
prevent them who are asleep.
Apostle Paul, in First Thessalonians 4.15
(The King James Version was translated at a time when "prevent"
meant "precede.")
We'll be there to kind of decipher information out to everyone.
Reggie_Walker
What a nice jester for Jay and his team.
Rita_Bevers
When I'm sick, I take Casper Oil.
The Cromulent Guy
When my dad was explaining the facts of life to me, he drew me a big
diaphragm.
Norm Crosby
When you finish writing the program, let me know if the compulation
is successful.
The Cromulent Guy
. . . which in turn causes TPD Accounting and TPD US Purchasing
allot of problems.
E-mail author
Who is the loneliest monk?
Tabitha_Soren, when someone
mentioned Thelonius Monk
Why don’t people help disabled senior citizens who are windows
in need of help with things around their home
someone on social media
Why, murder’s the matter! . . . but he can tell you the
perpendiculars.
Mrs. Malaprop
with a grain assault
anonymous
You are incredulous!
Dave Beck
You'll have to have a Midas box, so you can cut the angle right.
