Irish Bull

My Merriam-Webster defines "Irish bull" as "an incongruous statement", and gives this example:
It was hereditary in his family to have no children.

Two classic examples that actually mention the Irish come to mind:
An Irishman is never at peace except when he's fighting.
An Irishman would rather die than to be buried outside of Ireland.

A tombstone in Belterbet, Ireland, reads:
Here lies the body of John Mound,
Lost at sea and never found.

And then there was the time in Dublin in 1902 that Sir Thomas Myles was talking about the Boer War:
Why should Irishmen stand with their arms folded and their hands in their pockets when England has called for aid?
I think I remember reading that the origin of the term was the following statement, but I don't understand it or know what it has to do with anything:
An Irish bull is always pregnant.
Following is a collection of Irish bulls that I have read, overheard, and even caught myself uttering. I hope you enjoy them.
  1. A lot of people in these empty pews are watching the game.
    Robert K. Oglesby, at church on Superbowl night
  2. A lot of people my age are dead at the present time.
  3. A new parameter that's being rewritten.
  4. A rugged, whitewater river flowing northward through deep canyons, the New River is among the oldest rivers on the continent.
    online info about New River Gorge National Park
  5. A siren wailed as the people stood in silence.
    radio newscaster
  6. A Taste Of Dallas returns to a brand new location.
  7. Accept me for what I am -- completely unacceptable.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  8. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
    Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
  9. According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
  10. All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
  11. All those without arms, please raise your hands!
    Sergeant addressing recruits
  12. All through trucks must detour.
    traffic sign
  13. Alone is much better together.
    sung by George Strait in "Let's Fall To Pieces Together"
  14. Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no government at all.
  15. Anarchy should be the law.
  16. And before one of her auditions there [she] practiced ten hours at the last minute.
  17. And he proceeded to stop.
    Ken Zotigh
  18. . . . and some 500 Italians made the trip, in a crowd of only 400.
    David Smith
  19. And their language is unspeakable!
    a teacher in "Jennifer, The Snake Goddess"
  20. And there's ONLY ONE PLACE in the world you'll find the Sleep Number bed: at one of our over 400 stores nationwide.
    Sleep Number ad
  21. And Thursday I didn't even know about it until yesterday.
    overheard on Sunday
  22. And too many moonlight kisses seem to cool in the warmth of the sun.
    E. Heyman & V. Young
  23. Ann, come over here and look how close you're sitting to Russell!
    Verna Lampe
  24. As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
  25. As soon as the pain is not hurting.
    Sherrie Wiles
  26.  . . . as we count our blessings, we realize we can't count them.
  27.  . . . at Canon . . . fuzzy logic is being used to design a new auto-focus camera!
    Stan Kelly-Bootle
  28. At first, I had second thoughts.
    a west Texan
  29. At the airport, workers handed fliers to passengers asking them to arrive at the airport two hours before their flight.
  30. At the more upscale places, you kind of scale it down a little bit.
    Phil Romano, talking about birthday celebrations at his restaurants Cozymel's, Fuddrucker's, Macaroni Grill, Nick & Sam's, and We Oui
  31. Attorney General Janet Reno is asking for more drug treatment for prisoners, both in and out of jail.
  32. Avoid transporting items without your knowledge.
    airport terminal recording
  33. Be careful -- warning other people can be dangerous.
    Rich Lickfold, trying too hard to make it into The Book
  34. Be different -- conform.
    random adage
  35. Be more or less specific.
    Ken Zotigh
  36. Be quiet and yell!
    Eupora High School Eagles cheerleaders, circa 1969, trying to get the crowd to stop chatting and participate in the cheers. (P.S. It's pronounced "Be quite and Yale!")
  37. Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on a Monday.
    Houston city ordinance
  38. [ Before upgrading the database server: ]
    • Drop the existing "sybsystemprocs" database. [This contains all the stored procedures.]
    • Use the "sp_dropdevice" procedure to drop the "sybsystemprocs" device. [This is a stored procedure.]
    from Sybase step-by-step instructions
  39. Can you hear me in the back?
    often heard at the beginning of a speech
  40. Can't it wait till yesterday?
    anonymous engineer
  41. Can't Read? Click on the Map!
    instructions on a web site
  42. Change is invariably good.
    Dick Brown
  43. Coming home to a place he'd never been before.
    John Denver
  44. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
  45. Cystitis is a living death; it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily.
    Louise Wener
  46. Dear Charlie, I hate you. Love, Martha
    Martha Shedd
  47. Dear Sam, Do not participate in chain letters. Sincerely, Dave.   P.S. Pass it on.
  48. Dear Taxpayer: Your permanent certificate of exemption is expiring shortly.
    Massachussetts Department of Revenue
  49. Death to intolerance!
  50. Deep down, this guy is really shallow.
    Jim Hightower
  51. Don't talk to strangers unless you know them.!
    Tom Fitzsimmons
  52. Donate $1 for a free cookie.
    sign in La Madeleine restaurant
  53. Down with categorical imperatives!
  54. Drift appears to be setting in.
  55. East Westchester Northstars.
    sports team
  56. Even when you're dead you shouldn't lie down and let yourself be buried.
    someone in England
  57. Every minute was more exciting than the next.
    Linda Evans
  58. Every once in a while, it's always good to . . .
    Robert G. Taylor
  59. Everyone laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
  60. Everyone should be a nonconformist.
  61. Exactly what Jay is saying, but a little bit different.
  62. Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
  63. Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
  64. Focus on the unseen.
    youth group motto
  65. For flute and percussion (one performer).
    cataloging record for a Harold Genzmer composition
  66. Generally, that is always the case.
    beauty contestant
  67. Generally, you're always going to do that.
  68. Good people like me are never self-righteous.
  69. Happy are those who are sad.
    Jesus, in Matthew 5.4
  70. He always asks about them every once in a while.
    The Russler
  71. He died very young, and he was an elder.
  72. He gets up at six o'clock no matter what time it is.
    Leo Rosten
  73. He has been instrumental in promoting a cappella music.
  74. He introduced his wife, a widow by the name of Marie Therese.
  75. He sideswiped the front of my truck.
    Bill Scott
  76. He spent an hour with me just a second ago.
    Michael Ellis
  77. He went into private practice with a big firm.
    Kathy Scott
  78. He's late 'cause he came in early.
    Burt Juarez
  79.  . . . heat has frozen your motor.
    state trooper in "Death In The Desert"
  80. Her favorite dress is her old blue jeans.
    Garth Brooks
  81. His face was sagging with tension.
    someone in England
  82. His light is dark.
    Myron Bruce
  83. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
    bumper sticker
  84. Hopefully, within 60 to 90 days, people will begin to see immediate activity.
    H. Ross Perot, Jr.
  85. How can I get over the fear of playing in front of people by myself?
  86. How Groucho Marx plans his ad-libs.
    TV Guide cover article
  87. How'd you do at the market?
    Farmer's wife

    Not as well as I expected, but then I didn't expect I would!
  88. [Humanism teaches that] man can do almost anything that he or she wants to do.
  89. I always like the same thing: variety.
    The Russler
  90. I am not going to sit here and stand for those kind of insults.
    Rush Limbaugh
  91. I believe we are on an irreversible trend . . . but that could change.
    Dan Quayle (possibly)
  92. I bet that hurts a lot more when you're numb.
    Christine Wick
  93. I called you last night, but your phone rang busy.
    anonymous, overheard in an office
  94. I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
    Joe Walsh
  95. [  ] . . . I cannot read or write.
    box to check on a jury summons to gain an exemption
  96. I could see drinking that on a hot cold day.
    Jeannette Scott, referring to frappaccino
  97. I didn't go back to sleep until we got up in the morning.
    Carole Mabrey
  98. I didn't say anything!
    The Russler
    Yeah, but you said plenty of other things!
    Sherri Barber
  99. I distinctly remember forgetting that.
    Robert K. Oglesby
  100. I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology.
    James R. F. Quirk
  101. I don't have time for this -- I'm too bored!
    Dennis Malley
  102. I don't know much more than I know.
    a preacher in Texas
  103. I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it.
    Clarence Darrow
  104. I either have Alzheimer's or amnesia; I don't remember which.
    The Russler
  105. I hate all prejudiced people.
    Robert Scott
  106. I have a theory that it's impossible to prove anything, but I can't prove it.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  107. I have a two o'clock meeting from nine to eleven.
  108. I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
    Blaise Pascal
  109. I have nine different cards, but some of them are the same.
    Robert Scott
  110. I have no knowledge . . . or even less.
  111. I have opinons of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
    George H. W. Bush
  112. I just acquired a previous commitment.
    Hawkeye Pierce
  113. I like to watch the sunset come up every morning.
    Kyle Malone
  114. I loathe people who use esoteric language.
    Rich Lickfold, in a shameless attempt to make it into The Book.
  115. I may not live long enough to die!
    The Russler
  116. I never have made a mistake. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
    Steve Hecht
  117. I never heard [the song] "Wake Up Sunshine," and really loved it.
    a fan of Chicago [the band]
  118. I never make blanket statements.
    The Russler
  119. I practically had to slash my wrists to convince them I couldn't stand the sight of blood.
  120. I remember my house full of people, but I don't remember anybody being there.
  121. I sat down . . . to see where we stood.
    Joel Reeves
  122. I say just bleach them black or navy blue.
    Kathy Scott
  123. I stay up nights, tossing and turning in my bed.
    Marie Barone
  124. I think that people who resort to name-calling are dull, disrespectful, stupid, irreverent, moronic, rude, imbecilic, derisive idiots.
    The Russler, in "Dumb Things People Say"
  125. I think there should be a pretty high level of mediocrity required of coaches.
    Robert Scott
  126. I think there's someone in this house, and I'm here alone.
    TV charater making a 911 call
  127. I thought I had forwarded this [E-mail] last week. If I did not, here it is again.
  128. I used to be what I am, but I'm not anymore.
  129. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  130. I want to be remembered as somebody who scorned the whole idea of wanting to be remembered.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  131. I want to speak to the pastor personally by phone.
    caller to a church office
  132. I was permanently disturbed for a while.
  133. I was suffering in ecstasy.
    from the song "Double Shot Of My Baby's Love"
  134. I was the first one there, and Trisha was already there.
    Billy Graham
  135. I will establish democracy by dictatorial decree!
    benevolent fascist
  136. I wish it was cold outside so I could wish it was hot.
  137. I work 50 to 60 hours a week every day, six days a week.
    Joel Hope on "Divorce Court"
  138. I worked hard for my welfare benefits.
  139. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  140. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  141. I'm a deeply superficial person.
    Andy Warhol
  142. I'm a grandfather and don't even know it.
    Col. Sherman T. Potter
  143. I'm afraid someday she's going to show up [at work] dead.
    Kathy Scott
  144. I'm happy to be stuck with you.
    sung by Huey Lewis And The News
  145. I'm going to be remembered as "Ron, The Forgotten Man."
    Ron, The Forgotten Man
  146. I'm going to live through this if it kills me!
    Max Klinger
  147. I'm going to quit smoking if it kills me.
  148. I'm not going to gang up on you all by myself.
    Jonathan Scott
  149. I'm not indecisive, I just can't make up my mind.
    Vickie Taylor
  150. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to apologize.
    anonymous, quoted by Sherri Barber
  151. I'm tired of resting.
    Will Geer
  152. I'm writing to tell you I have nothing to say.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  153. I've already sat today about all I can stand.
    Vonnie Bennet
  154. I've been forgetting things lately. I don't remember having this problem before.
    Kathy Scott
  155. If fainting occurs, contact your doctor.
    self-help instructions
  156. If I can survive death I can probably survive anything.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  157. If I get there first, I'll make a chalk mark; if you get there first, rub it out.
    Mack & Moran
  158. If I had a little humility, I'd be perfect.
    Ted Turner
  159. If Tchaikovsky were alive today, he'd be turning in his grave.
    someone in England
  160. If that needs immediate action, it will have to wait till Monday.
    anonymous engineer
  161. If the odds are a million to one against something happening, chances are fifty-fifty it will.
  162. If the type on this page is too small to read, you will want to get the large print edition.
    The Russler
  163. If there is a fifty-fifty chance that something can go wrong, then nine times out of ten it will.
    Paul Harvey
  164. If there was a cave-in and it killed me, I could live with that.
    The Russler
  165. If there were a pie here, it would be gone!
    The Russler
  166. If two trains shall meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
    Kansas state law
  167. If we stop to look at stuff, we aren't going to see anything.
    an adult leading a group of children through a museum
  168. If we're not already, we are by now.
    Ellis Touchton
  169. If you are here and you need to respond . . . 
    often heard at the end of a sermon
  170. If you are unable read this email, you can see it here.
    an E-mail I couldn't see, but I could read . . . no, I mean . . .
  171. If you can't view this email, click here.
    E-mail from American Musical Supply
  172. If you don't get this letter, return it to me and I'll be happy to photocopy it for you.
    The Russler
  173. If you fall and break both your legs, don't come running to me!
  174. If you missed it, you have one last chance to see it again.
    ad for "The Bachelorette," which I've never seen but hope to see again
  175. If you used to be here . . . but you're not here now, stand up.
    Robert K. Oglesby
  176. If you weren't in one of the less than a dozen empty seats at Friday Night's Evening At Pops, . . . you really missed something.
    Ayer Public Spirit
  177. In a race of far less importance, but not much less . . . 
    Mark Davis
  178. In love again for the first time.
    Carole King
  179. In 1994 I worked almost three years in crime prevention.
    a Richardson, Texas policeman
  180. Include me out!
    probably attributed to Yogi Berra
  181. India is the finest climate under the sun; but a lot of young fellows come out here, and they drink and they eat, and they drink and they die: and then they write home to their parents a pack of lies, say it's the climate that has killed them.
    Sir Colin Campbell, British officer charged by British War Department to report on morale problems with the British army in India
  182. Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  183. Instructions for extracting files from this diskette are contained on a file on this diskette.
    from the contents of a file on a diskette
  184. Is everyone here? Raise you're hand if you aren't.
  185. It all comes out on the inside eventually.
    Steely Dan
  186. It certainly is not certain yet.
  187. It costs three times as much for two to live as cheap as one.
    song "Oh Why Did I Get Married?"
  188. It makes neither sense nor nonsense.
  189. It might ultimately be tried first in Europe.
    radio announcer on KRLD
  190. It occurred to me lately that nothing has occurred to me lately.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  191. It sank right to the top.
    Jeff Feath
  192. It seems, from what I gather, to be one of those simple cases which are so extremely difficult.
    Sherlock Holmes
  193. It turned up missing.
    many people
  194. It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
    Mark Twain
  195. It was the same as a two-room school house, except that it was three rooms.
    Robert Scott
  196. It wasn't completely opaque.
  197. It's expensive, but it's cheap.
    Len Catanach
  198. It's good to be bad.
    Bobby Womack
  199. It's great to be back in the city of Boston . . . again . . . for the very first time.
    Emo Phillips
  200. It's Hip To Be Square
    sung by Huey Lewis And The News
  201. It's not an optical illusion; it just looks like one.
    Phil White
  202. It's not every day you see snow in June.
    Jeannette Scott
  203. It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
    Woody Allen
  204. It's on the same side of the street from that, right across the street from it.
    Robert Scott
  205. It's one of those movies where you knew exactly what was going to happen before you ever saw it, if you saw it.
    Jeannette Scott
  206. . . . It's real! It's fiction! . . .
    Oprah Winfrey, promoting a book on her TV show
  207. It's south of Abilene, but I don't know which direction.
    Kathy Scott
  208. It's unanimous -- we agree on nothing.
    overheard at a business meeting
  209. It's unlucky to be superstitious.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  210. Jerome saw that and wanted to buy it sight unseen.
    David Beck
  211. John Redwood is a young man, but, let's face it, so was Margaret Thatcher in 1975.
    Edward Leigh
  212. Just because they are alike, doesn't mean they are the same.
    John Kevin Brown
  213. Just a few more hours, and I'll be right home to you.
    sung by KISS
  214. Keep your eyes opened behind you.
    Rush Limbaugh
  215. Keep your mouth shut and eat everything on your plate.
  216. Lethargy is beginning to kick in.
  217. Like a lot of you . . . I'd be first in line to buy it.
    a Chicago fan (How many people can be first in line?)
  218. Marlon Brando in his own words: Songs My Mother Taught Me.
    radio commercial
  219. Man, when I tell you she was cool, she was red hot.
    sung by Thin Lizzy
  220. Move slow as fast as you can.
    Capt. Cragen on "Law And Order"
  221. My life is simply too complicated.
  222. Never listen to advice.
  223. Never say "never," and never say "always," because there's always an exception.
    Dewey_Leggett, producing a double IB
  224. No refreshments shall be supplied to any member after the above named hours, and none shall be supplied for consumption off the club premises except to a member on the premises at the time.
    private club rule
  225. None of us got to sit all together.
  226. Notice: This garment meets the general wearing apparel requirements of the Flammable Fabrics Act; however, it is flammable and should not be worn near sources of fire.
    tag on item of apparel from Wear Guard of Norwell, Massachussetts
  227. Oh, and if you don't have E-mail, then call me at 301-4556.
    John Fierke, at the bottom of an E-mail
  228. Oh, we are so wet, but we are staying dry.
    Chad Gardner (a.k.a.Blister Boy), when asked about the weather
  229. Ohio is the birthplace of more Presidents than any other state -- eight. Virginia also has 8.
    Key to the City website (By the way, only seven presidents were born in Ohio.)
  230. Once I get started, I don't know where to begin.
  231. One after another, they did not come back.
    Henry Crow Dog
  232. one-of-a-kind women . . . just like you
  233. One of the center's largest events is on National Coming Out Day in the fall. Students are able to share their coming out stories in person or anonymously, Winser-Johns said.
    Makenzie_Plusnick   (Nothing like coming out anonymously!)
  234. One of the worst of my many faults is that I'm too critical of myself.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  235. Place contents of package in covered casserole dish.
    prepared food instructions
  236. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
  237. Predestination was doomed from the start.
  238. Promote the use of minority businesses, women-owned businesses and other disadvantaged businesses. Ensure that the suppliers that you are working with do not condone discriminatory practices.
  239. Regardless of anything to the contrary in this booklet, if your medical insurance terminates for any reason including death, you . . . may elect within 30 days . . . to continue such medical insurance . . . 
    Consolidated Group Trust
  240. Remember me? I'm the one who never made any impression on you.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  241. Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
    Werner von Braun
  242. Resolved: That we shall build a new courthouse.
    Resolved: That the new courthouse shall be built using materials from the old courthouse.
    Resolved: That the old courthouse shall remain in use until the completion of the new courthouse.
    a county commission in Mississippi
  243. Right now we have a special where you can get 500 minutes for $50 for free.
    Darren the cellular telephone salesman
  244. Roderick Vereen, a public defender, had filed a motion to delay [Mr.] Hill's execution until after Hill had served his federal sentence of life in prison.
    Associated Press
  245. San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
    Herb Caen
  246. Secret marriages are not allowed.
    private college rule
  247. She never told me she was a mime.
  248. She was never at home going out with me.
    The Russler
  249. She was the last of an endless line . . .
    a widow, talking about her late husband's mistress
  250. She's afraid they'll starve to death for the rest of their lives.
    Kathy Scott
  251. She's not able to get around, and she's been traveling quite a bit.
    Robin Roberts on "Good Morning America"
  252. She's the boy I'll never have.
    Kyle Malone, referring to one of his daughters
  253. 60% of them were minorities.
    Bill Rathburn, Dallas police chief
  254. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.
    Apostle Paul, in Second Corinthians 4.18
  255. Some Of My Lies Are True.
    sung by Huey Lewis And The News
  256. Some people in this department wouldn't recognize sublety if it hit them on the head.
  257. Someday I'm going to look back on this nightmare and think of it as just a bad dream.
    B. J. Honeycutt
  258. Something is missing. Can you spot it?
    Ashleigh Banfield
  259. something that we thought was unthinkable
    Robert K. Oglesby
  260. Sometime I'd like to be here when I'm gone.
    Beetle Bailey's Sarge
  261. Sounds like it's going to be a great film. I hope they release it sooner than they shot it.
  262. Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible.
    Sam Goldwyn
  263. Spontenaity is all right, provided they can rehearse it first.
    Edwin Newman
  264. Stage right as you look at the stage.
    D._Rice (In other words, stage left.)
  265. Stop calling me immature, or I'll tell on you!
  266. Thanks for all your help, especially the other night when [the] RAD [system] crashed for the day.
    Jeff Feath
  267. That's the only reason I bring it up. The other reason I bring it up is . . . 
    Andrew P. Smith
  268. The city of Pompeii was frozen by hot lava.
    Robert K. Oglesby
  269. The commercials aren't louder; they just sound louder.
    TV engineer James Withrow
  270. The difference is the same.
    Dale Jensen
  271. The first step in remembering a person's name is to:
    1. Hear the person's name clearly.
    2. Get a clear impression of the person as a person.
    Dale Carnegie
  272.   *  
  273. The generating of random numbers is far too important to be left to chance.
  274. The help I need most urgently is admitting that I need help.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  275. The interests of the employers and the employed are the same nine times out of ten -- I will even say ninety-nine times out of ten.
    Lord Curzon
  276.  . . . the longer I stayed, the more I saw; and what I saw [was] their eyes . . . when you look into those eyes you see nothing.
    Ana Martinez
  277. The odds are a million to one against my being one in a million.
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  278. The only difference that I see is that you are exactly as you used to be.
    sung by The Wallflowers
  279. The Orthodox Church changes only in order to remain the same.
  280. The risk is minimal, at the most.
    Dr._Earl_R._Lund,_M.D., trying to convince a patient that the best it can be is the worst it can be
  281. The sound is unbelievable. You're gonna have to hear it to believe it.
  282. The superfluous is very necessary.
  283. The three most important things to me are math and winning.
    Sgt. Canady
  284. The three of us will make a lovely couple.
    Neil Simon
  285. The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.
    Alexander Haig
  286. The whole thing is solid stripes.
    Kathy Scott
  287. The winding road I traveled led me straight to your heart.
    sung by Chicago
  288. There are two ways to write error-free [computer] programs. Only the third one works.
  289. There are no wrong answers in unschooling, and there is room to learn from error.
    an unschooler (No wrong answers? Then where's the error?)
  290. There is a customer from the PA EBT project sitting in the empty cube across from Gregg Hayes.
    someone at work
  291. There is a vast degree of sleaze, more than actually exists.
    Robin Oakley
  292. There is more pure chocolate in our all-butter cookies than any other ingredient.
    Safeway label
  293. There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
  294. There is nothing so important as trifles.
    Sherlock Holmes
  295. There she was -- gone!
    German farmer
  296. There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.
    George Carlin
  297. There's a time for laughing, and there's a time for not laughing; this is not one of them.
    Inspector Clousseau
  298. There's no future in time travel.
  299. There's no such thing as an anonymous procedure. At least not that I know of.
    Gary Sanders
  300. These are my three sons. They're twins!
  301. These are similar in different ways.
    anonymous engineer
  302. They are always in rare form.
    a Chicago fan
  303. They found their way back to a place they'd never been.
    movie preview
  304. They had a little boy who was tall and big.
    Robert K. Oglesby
  305. They had to return to their destinations.
    reporter on the FAA shutdown, referring to planes in mid-flight
  306. They have one of those floor fans on a stand.
    Elizabeth Wright
  307. They may decide not to make a decision.
  308. They need to get in their places before they come in.
    overheard before a chorus performance
  309. They was goin' to either walk away alive, or they was goin' to walk away dead.
    someone on a show about the intelligence of chickens
  310. They were empty, but they were full of cards.
  311. They were laughing in my face behind my back.
    The Russler
  312. They worship inamimate objects and other living things.
    Rush Limbaugh
  313. They'll probably cut my head off and hang me by the neck.
    The Russler
  314. They're both unique in the same way.
  315. Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
  316. This is the exception that proves the rule.
    anonymous engineer
  317. This version is very similar to version 2.11, with several changes.
  318. This was the best waste of time I ever had.
    Tom Cochrane
  319. Three unrelated things that have something in common.
    Carole Mabry, guessing at an answer in Tri-Bond, a board game whose aim is similar to
    Lien À Trois.
  320. Too much is not enough.
    sung by the Bellamy Brothers
  321. Try to move slowly but swiftly.
    Shannon from House Improvements
  322. Two things he was not able to do before, he's beginning to be able to do again.
    John Madden
  323. Unless faced with emergencies, the IAS team commits to the following intervals. . . .
    In order to meet the time guidelines, emergencies will no longer be accepted.
    the IAS team
  324. Usually I gain weight every time I go on vacation.
    someone advertising a weight loss product
  325. Vote Anarchist
    bumper sticker
  326. Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
    Mark Twain.
  327. Watch for invisible blocks.
    SuperBlast instructions
  328. Watch me and get off one stop before I do.
    overheard on a bus
  329. We are always proving that "nothing is constant, but change."
    Gayle Diane Cordell
  330. We are on a journey that requires patience combined with a sense of urgency to get there as quickly as we can.
  331. We didn't refuse; we just said no.
    Michael Kirk
  332. We fell silent, remarking, "The will of the Lord be done!"
    Luke, in Acts 21.14
  333. We have a three month release cycle, and almost four months of that is testing.
    Dale Jensen
  334. We need to know what the invisible screens look like.
  335. We think it has a much better chance to be as good as always.
  336. We were so busy, we didn't do anything.
    Alecia Ragan
  337. We will fight to the death for our pacifist aims.
  338. We'd better start early so if we're late, we'll be on time.
    Durward Cline
  339. We're all in this alone.
    Lily Tomlin
  340. We’re not quite ready, so give me a couple of minutes and we’ll call you back in a second.
    conference call participant
  341. We've been through it all -- and more.
  342. We're the only secret organization in the world that no one's ever heard of!
    Maxwell Smart
  343. Well, it's very similar to this, but it's a lot different.
    antique mall customer
  344. What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
  345. What's your phone number?
    B. Grace's mother, asked of him over the phone when she initiated the call
  346. Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
    Mahatma Gandhi
  347. When I am weak, then I am strong.
    Apostle Paul, in Second Corinthians 12.10
  348. When I got on Woodall Rogers [Freeway], it [the traffic] stopped, and it stayed stopped until I got past LBJ [Freeway].
    Charles_Bentley, who didn't explain how he traveled a dozen miles while stopped
  349. When I think of how I prayed he would get well, I could murder him.
  350. When you get to be my age, you start to lose your eyesight, your hearing, and . . . let's see . . . what was the other thing?
    Grandma Lewis
  351. Why isn't there some cheap and easy way I can prove how much you mean to me?
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  352. Why do I have to stop living to keep from dying?
    Michael Ellis, talking about dieting
  353. Working for these people would put gray hairs on a bald man!
  354. Would you care to drift aimlessly in my direction?
    Ashleigh Brilliant
  355. Y'all be quiet and yell!
    high school cheerleader trying to keep kids from chatting during a pep rally
  356. Yesterday it took her almost a day and a half.
    Sprint employee
  357. You are unique -- just like everybody else.
    Laurie Varley
  358. You can count on an unpredictable number of wild cards.
    Games magazine
  359. You can use the "readonly" command to ensure that the value of a variable cannot be changed.
    Mark Sobell, who needs to explain the meaning of "variable" to me again
  360. You have a great future, even if the future isn't what it used to be.
    Yogi Berra, to a graduating class
  361. You have reached Jim Galloway. I'm not available right now . . . 
    Jim Galloway's voice
  362. You should have been there after you left.
    Michael Kirk
  363. Your mind has to be working all of the time most of the time.
    Robert L. Scott, on being a teacher
At first, I thought this was contradictory:
  • The New York City Metropolitan Area has more people than the entire state of New York!!
    Key to the City website
It's impossible for one city in a state to have more people than the state, since the population of the state includes the population of that city. But then it soaked in that it was talking about the METRO AREA, which includes large portions of New Jersey and Connecticut. So, this is possible! However, the latest figures at the time of this writing have these two entities at a near dead heat, with the state slightly ahead of the metro.

I received this message, which I thought was very nice:
I believe that the Promise of "The effectual fervent Prayer of a Righteous Man availeth much." Thank you for remembering my name before the Father.
But then the writer added this:
I am keeping fingers crossed that I will remain in your love and prayers.
Leaving me to wonder, do we believe in the power of prayer . . . or the power of crossing our fingers?

  *   This reminds me of the printed instructions I received with something I bought.
In large letters, they proclaimed, "AS EASY AS 1, 2, 3!"
Following that were several pages outlining eleven steps.

Many of these are anonymous because I collected them a while before I started writing down the source.
Word Wild Web
Dumb Things People Say
Lien À Trois
Elmwood Court