Some of these were intended by their editors to be cleverly worded, while others are unintentional blunders. (Hey, that sounded like a repetitive redundancy.) Determining which category each entry falls into is left as an exercise for the reader. . . .

NOTE to frequent visitors: I have removed many of the entries that previously appeared here, in that I cannot substantiate their existence (other than the fact that they appear in everyone else's list of funny headlines).

Air Traffic Controllers Can Apply For Job In Braille
The Herald
Airline Travel Safer Despite More Accidents
All Utah Condemned To Face Firing Squad
Washington Post
Alton Attorney Accidently Sues Himself
The Madison St Claire Record
Ancient Chinese Tradition Develops
Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
New York Times
Astronomers Say Comet Should Be Visible To The Naked Idaho
Los Angeles Examiner
Athlete Who Cheated Death Dies
AOL News
Ban On Runny Yolks Not Going Over Easy
Spartanburg Herald-Journal
Bank Praises Credit Card Fraud System
EDS Global Communications
Bill Would Exempt Minors From Death
Goldsboro News Argus
Bimbo Uses Sun Technology To Automate Operations
computer rag
Birds Make Mess, City Steps In
Colorado Springs Gazette
Births To High School Girls Fall To Record Low
(I've never known of anyone giving birth to a high school girl.)
Blind Man Says Diana Prettiest Woman He Ever Saw
Books On Suicide Never Returned
unidentified newspaper
Brain Removal Study Finds Few Volunteers
Kenosha News
Britain Inches Grudgingly Toward Metric System
British Library Embarassed By Mispelling Its Heritage
unidentified British newspaper
(Note the words "embarassed" and "mispelling".)
Bush Favors His Own Program
Chick Accuses Some Of Her Male Colleagues Of Sexism
Los Angeles Times
(referring to Laura Chick)
Christmas Trees Don't Grow On Trees
Coach Knows All To Well How This Feels
Richardson Morning News
(whose editor doesn't read to closely)
Committee Names Committee
Community Bands Together To Help Burn Victim's Family
Bay City Times
Conceiving A Way To Get More Babies
Sydney Morning Herald
Cost Of Being Poor Rising
Denver Post
County Invited To Waste Day Planning Meeting
Oceana's Herald-Journal
County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds.
Eugene Register-Guard
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Monterey Herald Sun
Crashed Jet May Have Flown Too Low
(If it hit the ground, I'd say that's too low!)
Creech Airman Beating Victim
Las Vegas Review Journal
Dead Man Ignored Police Order
Arizona Republic
Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
unidentified news service
Deaf Ministry Holds Silent Auction
unidentified newspaper
Death Doesn't Deter Students From Drinking
The Roanoke Times
Digging Big Hole Key To Planting Trees
unidentified newspaper
Divorces Are Fewer Among Single People, Chicago Figures Show
Chicago Tribune
Doctor Execution Policy Debated
Dr Phil's Simple Plan To Make You Thin
Be A Guest On His Show
mag cover
Double-Hand Transplant Patient Applauds Operation
Drunks Get Nine Months In Violin Case
Monterey Herald Sun
Earthquake Accidentally Opens Up A Diamond Mine
Spirited Bliss
(How do they know the earthquake didn't do it on purpose?)
Ernie Pyle Died 50 Years Ago
(up-to-the-minute reporting)
Family Can Be Close While Apart
Richardson News
Fatal Mudslide Blamed On Hill
Associated Press
(Great investigative work!)
Farmer Bill Dies In House
unidentified news service
Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons
Tulsa World
Fight Breaks Out At Newark Anti-Violence Rally
Newark Star-Ledger
Figures Show It: Americans Putting On Those Pounds
Bismarck Tribune
Financiers To Lend An Ear To Mike Tyson
(Apparently he misplaced the one he got from Evander Holyfield.)
Fireworks To Be Aired On Radio
Orlando Sentinel
Fitness Club Closes, Going Belly Up
St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Florida May Need Disabled Voter Machines
Florida Wants Coach With An Offensive Mind
Florida Times-Union
For Now, There's No End Insight
Dallas Morning News
Ford Contour Sales Slow To Accelerate
GM International Newsline
Former Mayor And Developer Found Quilty
Richardson, Texas
French Police Suspect Nudist Site Has Something To Hide
Frying Squirrel Blamed For Sunday Power Outage
Muskegan Chronicle
Funeral Home Head Finds Live Body
GM Unit To Produce Batteries In China
trade journal
(Why would you use battery-operated china?)
Gays in Roanoke Recover After Slaying
Head of Anti-Violence Group Arrested for Hitting Referee
Health Department Wants Mayor's Ear
Deseret Morning News
Heat Wave Claims Frostbite Victim
Herndon Area -- Your Cardiac Risk
GM News
Hooked On Internet? Help Is Just A Click Away!
Husband's Internet Date Turns Out to Be His Wife
unidentified Pennsylvania newspaper
ITS Introduces DataFlow, A Powerful Yet User-Fiendly WorkFlow Development Tool
computer rag
(User-fiendly, eh?)
Illiteracy Is Still A Poblem Among Mississippi Adults
Hendersonville (North Carolina) Times-News
Indian Plane Reported Hijacked By Authorities
Inmate Missing After Escaping Via Mail Slot
Lexington Herald-Leader
Invisible Man Disappears From View
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Monterey Herald Sun
Italian Plane Passengers See Flames, Vote to Land
Japan, Russia Still Far Apart On Islands
Josh Bard Suffers Minor Injuries In Fatal Car Crash
Kevorkian Clinic Short-Lived
Kids More Violent, Suicidal, But They're Happy
unidentified news service
K9 Bites Cow, Deputy Tases K9, Cow Kicks Deputy
KFOR, Oklahoma City
Lack Of Brains Hinders Research
Columbus Dispatch
Lawyer Says Client Not That Guilty
unidentified newspaper
Lawyers Give Poor Advice
unidentified newspaper
Lawyers Weigh O.J. Witnesses
Life Goes On Year After Deaths
Richardson News
Lost Portrait Of Czar Shown
Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
unidentified news service
Male Infertility Can Be Passed On To Children
Man Killed By N J Train For The Second Time This Week
WINS-AM 1010, New York City
Man On Singles Holiday Finds Himself Alone
unidentified newspaper
Man Shoots Self With Ax
unidentified news service
Man Shot By Drinking Partner, Police Said
Dallas Morning News
(You'd be worn out too, if you drank your partner!)
Man Shot, Killed In Miami For Third Consecutive Night
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Monterey Herald Sun
March Planned For August
unidentified news service
Maybe Error Led To Crash
Mercury Plunges To Bone-Chilling 68
Dallas Morning News
Moron Arrested After Driving Truck Into House
Fox 4 News
Mrs. Congeniality Acquitted
unidentified news service
National Slacker Day May Be Too Much Effort
New Hampshire Hospital Evacuated After Several People Report Feeling Sick
WHDH Boston
New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
unidentified news service
New Yorker Finds Roommate Dead, Second Time In A Year
Officials Consider Bridge Suicide
Oil Barge Breaks Off Texas
One In Three British Men Ready To Give Birth
One-Armed Man Applauds The Kindness Of Strangers
Tulsa World
Ottawa May Tackle Homeless
Toronto Star
Paleontologist Wants Students To Dig Up Dirt On Prehistory
Washington Post
Parking Lot Floods When Man Bursts
Durham Herald-Sun
Player Fined For Using Obscure Language To Umpire
Sarasota Morning Star
Please See 4 DIE on Page 22A.
note at bottom of incomplete article in Dallas Morning News
Police Suspicious After Body Found In Graveyard
Halifax Chronicle-Herald
Potato, Dancing Raisins Cut A Deal
Associated Press
Priest In Fatal Crash Improves
Lakeland Ledger
Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
Monterey Herald Sun
Psychic Killed By Train
unidentified newspaper
(Never saw it coming . . .)
Quintuplets Born 15 Months Early
dateline Moorhead, Minnesota
Ranchers Balk at Sheep Prices, Suspect Fleecing
The Billings Gazette
Rape -- The New Way To Defend Yourself
Ladies Home Journal
Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
unidentified news service
Seattle police: hostile crowd kept medics from stabbing victim
The Seattle Times
17 Remain Dead In Morgue Shooting Spree
The News & Observer
Shooting Suspect Said Hot-Tempered
(Ya think?)
Shore Home Serves Newborn To The Elderly
Chesapeake Bay Banner
SLEEP WELL -- For the Rest of Your Life!
Prevention Magazine
(Isn't that called a "coma"?)
Slump In Visitors Leaves Lions And Tigers Hungry At Chinese Zoo
Washington Post
Spaniard Dies After Fall From Ferry To Britain
Spaniard Hits Girlfriend At Anti-Violence Rally
Stabbing Doesn't Spoil Friendship
Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered In Second Hand Shop
Bournemouth Echo
Storm Blamed On Seven Deaths
news item in Texas
(I never figured out how these deaths caused a storm)
Stud Tires Out
unidentified news service
Study Finds Broad Problems In Army
Suicide Forum Sees Drop In Attendance
Aspen Daily News
Suspect Ordered Returned To Wash.
unidentified newspaper
Teen Blasts Armed Robber In Face With Power Washer
Thief Makes Clean Getaway
South Jersey Times
Terror Leader In Iraq Declares War On Tape
The Best Ways to Lead Employees: Bad Management Practices
Sergey Novoselov in Resumark Blog
The Sun Is Leading Cause Of Sunburns
unidentified newspaper
UIL Academics A Sucess
Prosper, Texas, school district newspaper
U.S. Distances Itself From Haiti
unidentified editor
(who believes the continental drift theory)
Uber's Search For A Female CEO Has Been Narrowed Down To 3 Men
Denver Post
Why Men Act The Way They Do
Readers Digest
(accompanied by picture of a woman)
Woman Born Feb. 29 Has Baby Same Day
St. Louis Globe Democrat
Woman Sues Caterpillar For Sexual Harrassment
Workers Finish Boring Sewer Tunnel
Atlanta Journal Constitution

  1. 168 Goats Roam LA Freeway --AP
  2. 168 Goats Killed In Accident --AP, two minutes later
  1. Scientists Believe There May Be Life On Mars --Reuters
  2. Scientists Convinced There Was Once Life On Mars --Reuters, fours hours later

Word Wild Web
Dumb Things People Say
Lien À Trois
Elmwood Court