NOTE to frequent visitors: I have removed many of the entries that previously appeared here, in that I cannot substantiate their existence (other than the fact that they appear in everyone else's list of funny headlines).

Air Traffic Controllers Can Apply For Job In Braille

The Herald

Airline Travel Safer Despite More Accidents

Reuters

All Utah Condemned To Face Firing Squad

Washington Post

Alton Attorney Accidently Sues Himself

The Madison St Claire Record

Ancient Chinese Tradition Develops

AP

Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire

New York Times

Astronomers Say Comet Should Be Visible To The Naked Idaho

Los Angeles Examiner

Athlete Who Cheated Death Dies

AOL News

Ban On Runny Yolks Not Going Over Easy

Spartanburg Herald-Journal

Bank Praises Credit Card Fraud System

EDS Global Communications

Bill Would Exempt Minors From Death

Goldsboro News Argus

Bimbo Uses Sun Technology To Automate Operations

computer rag

Birds Make Mess, City Steps In

Colorado Springs Gazette

Births To High School Girls Fall To Record Low

CNN

(I've never known of anyone giving birth to a high school girl.)

Blind Man Says Diana Prettiest Woman He Ever Saw

Reuters

Books On Suicide Never Returned

unidentified newspaper

Brain Removal Study Finds Few Volunteers

Kenosha News

Britain Inches Grudgingly Toward Metric System

Reuters

British Library Embarassed By Mispelling Its Heritage

unidentified British newspaper

(Note the words "embarassed" and "mispelling".)

Bush Favors His Own Program

Newsweek

Chick Accuses Some Of Her Male Colleagues Of Sexism

Los Angeles Times

(referring to Laura Chick)

Christmas Trees Don't Grow On Trees

UPI

Coach Knows All To Well How This Feels

Richardson Morning News

(whose editor doesn't read to closely)

Committee Names Committee

Reuters

Community Bands Together To Help Burn Victim's Family

Bay City Times

Conceiving A Way To Get More Babies

Sydney Morning Herald

Cost Of Being Poor Rising

Denver Post

County Invited To Waste Day Planning Meeting

Oceana's Herald-Journal

County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds.

Eugene Register-Guard

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Monterey Herald Sun

Crashed Jet May Have Flown Too Low

AP

(If it hit the ground, I'd say that's too low!)

Creech Airman Beating Victim

Las Vegas Review Journal

Dead Man Ignored Police Order

Arizona Republic

Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing

unidentified news service

Deaf Ministry Holds Silent Auction

unidentified newspaper

Death Doesn't Deter Students From Drinking

The Roanoke Times

Digging Big Hole Key To Planting Trees

unidentified newspaper

Divorces Are Fewer Among Single People, Chicago Figures Show

Chicago Tribune

Doctor Execution Policy Debated

AP

Dr Phil's Simple Plan To Make You Thin
Be A Guest On His Show

mag cover

Double-Hand Transplant Patient Applauds Operation

Reuters

Drunks Get Nine Months In Violin Case

Monterey Herald Sun

Earthquake Accidentally Opens Up A Diamond Mine

Spirited Bliss

(How do they know the earthquake didn't do it on purpose?)

Ernie Pyle Died 50 Years Ago

AP

(up-to-the-minute reporting)

Family Can Be Close While Apart

Richardson News

Fatal Mudslide Blamed On Hill

Associated Press

(Great investigative work!)

Farmer Bill Dies In House

unidentified news service

Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

Tulsa World

Fight Breaks Out At Newark Anti-Violence Rally

Newark Star-Ledger

Figures Show It: Americans Putting On Those Pounds

Bismarck Tribune

Financiers To Lend An Ear To Mike Tyson

Reuters

(Apparently he misplaced the one he got from Evander Holyfield.)

Fireworks To Be Aired On Radio

Orlando Sentinel

Fitness Club Closes, Going Belly Up

St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Florida May Need Disabled Voter Machines

AP

Florida Wants Coach With An Offensive Mind

Florida Times-Union

For Now, There's No End Insight

Dallas Morning News

Ford Contour Sales Slow To Accelerate

GM International Newsline

Former Mayor And Developer Found Quilty

Richardson, Texas

French Police Suspect Nudist Site Has Something To Hide

AFP

Frying Squirrel Blamed For Sunday Power Outage

Muskegan Chronicle

Funeral Home Head Finds Live Body

AP

GM Unit To Produce Batteries In China

trade journal

(Why would you use battery-operated china?)

Gays in Roanoke Recover After Slaying

AP

Head of Anti-Violence Group Arrested for Hitting Referee

AP

Health Department Wants Mayor's Ear

Deseret Morning News

Heat Wave Claims Frostbite Victim

Reuters

Herndon Area -- Your Cardiac Risk

GM News

Hooked On Internet? Help Is Just A Click Away!

Reuters

Husband's Internet Date Turns Out to Be His Wife

unidentified Pennsylvania newspaper

ITS Introduces DataFlow, A Powerful Yet User-Fiendly WorkFlow Development Tool

computer rag

(User-fiendly, eh?)

Illiteracy Is Still A Poblem Among Mississippi Adults

Hendersonville (North Carolina) Times-News

Indian Plane Reported Hijacked By Authorities

Reuters

Inmate Missing After Escaping Via Mail Slot

Lexington Herald-Leader

Invisible Man Disappears From View

Reuters

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Monterey Herald Sun

Italian Plane Passengers See Flames, Vote to Land

Reuters

Japan, Russia Still Far Apart On Islands

Reuters

Josh Bard Suffers Minor Injuries In Fatal Car Crash

FanHouse

Kevorkian Clinic Short-Lived

AP

Kids More Violent, Suicidal, But They're Happy

unidentified news service

K9 Bites Cow, Deputy Tases K9, Cow Kicks Deputy

KFOR, Oklahoma City

Lack Of Brains Hinders Research

Columbus Dispatch

Lawyer Says Client Not That Guilty

unidentified newspaper

Lawyers Give Poor Advice

unidentified newspaper

Lawyers Weigh O.J. Witnesses

AP

Life Goes On Year After Deaths

Richardson News

Lost Portrait Of Czar Shown

AP

Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms

unidentified news service

Male Infertility Can Be Passed On To Children

Reuters

Man Killed By N J Train For The Second Time This Week

WINS-AM 1010, New York City

Man On Singles Holiday Finds Himself Alone

unidentified newspaper

Man Shoots Self With Ax

unidentified news service

Man Shot By Drinking Partner, Police Said

Dallas Morning News

(You'd be worn out too, if you drank your partner!)

Man Shot, Killed In Miami For Third Consecutive Night

WPLG

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Monterey Herald Sun

March Planned For August

unidentified news service

Maybe Error Led To Crash

AP

Mercury Plunges To Bone-Chilling 68

Dallas Morning News

Moron Arrested After Driving Truck Into House

Fox 4 News

Mrs. Congeniality Acquitted

unidentified news service

National Slacker Day May Be Too Much Effort

Reuters

New Hampshire Hospital Evacuated After Several People Report Feeling Sick

WHDH Boston

New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group

unidentified news service

New Yorker Finds Roommate Dead, Second Time In A Year

AP

Officials Consider Bridge Suicide

UPI

Oil Barge Breaks Off Texas

AP

One In Three British Men Ready To Give Birth

Reuters

One-Armed Man Applauds The Kindness Of Strangers

Tulsa World

Ottawa May Tackle Homeless

Toronto Star

Paleontologist Wants Students To Dig Up Dirt On Prehistory

Washington Post

Parking Lot Floods When Man Bursts

Durham Herald-Sun

Player Fined For Using Obscure Language To Umpire

Sarasota Morning Star

Please See 4 DIE on Page 22A.

note at bottom of incomplete article in Dallas Morning News

Police Suspicious After Body Found In Graveyard

Halifax Chronicle-Herald

Potato, Dancing Raisins Cut A Deal

Associated Press

Priest In Fatal Crash Improves

Lakeland Ledger

Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

Monterey Herald Sun

Psychic Killed By Train

unidentified newspaper

(Never saw it coming . . .)

Quintuplets Born 15 Months Early

dateline Moorhead, Minnesota

Ranchers Balk at Sheep Prices, Suspect Fleecing

The Billings Gazette

Rape -- The New Way To Defend Yourself

Ladies Home Journal

Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead

unidentified news service

Seattle police: hostile crowd kept medics from stabbing victim

The Seattle Times

17 Remain Dead In Morgue Shooting Spree

The News & Observer

Shooting Suspect Said Hot-Tempered

AP

(Ya think?)

Shore Home Serves Newborn To The Elderly

Chesapeake Bay Banner

SLEEP WELL -- For the Rest of Your Life!

Prevention Magazine

(Isn't that called a "coma"?)

Slump In Visitors Leaves Lions And Tigers Hungry At Chinese Zoo

Washington Post

Spaniard Dies After Fall From Ferry To Britain

Reuters

Spaniard Hits Girlfriend At Anti-Violence Rally

Reuters

Stabbing Doesn't Spoil Friendship

AP

Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered In Second Hand Shop

Bournemouth Echo

Storm Blamed On Seven Deaths

news item in Texas

(I never figured out how these deaths caused a storm)

Stud Tires Out

unidentified news service

Study Finds Broad Problems In Army

AP

Suicide Forum Sees Drop In Attendance

Aspen Daily News

Suspect Ordered Returned To Wash.

unidentified newspaper

Teen Blasts Armed Robber In Face With Power Washer

Thief Makes Clean Getaway

South Jersey Times

Terror Leader In Iraq Declares War On Tape

AP

The Best Ways to Lead Employees: Bad Management Practices

Sergey Novoselov in Resumark Blog

The Sun Is Leading Cause Of Sunburns

unidentified newspaper

Truck carrying 40K pounds of strawberries overturns creating sticky traffic jam

FOX News

UIL Academics A Sucess

Prosper, Texas, school district newspaper

U.S. Distances Itself From Haiti

unidentified editor

(who believes the continental drift theory)

Uber's Search For A Female CEO Has Been Narrowed Down To 3 Men

Denver Post

Why Men Act The Way They Do

Readers Digest

(accompanied by picture of a woman)

Woman Born Feb. 29 Has Baby Same Day

St. Louis Globe Democrat

Woman Sues Caterpillar For Sexual Harrassment

UPI

Workers Finish Boring Sewer Tunnel

Atlanta Journal Constitution

1. 168 Goats Roam LA Freeway --AP
2. 168 Goats Killed In Accident --AP, two minutes later

1. Scientists Believe There May Be Life On Mars --Reuters
2. Scientists Convinced There Was Once Life On Mars --Reuters, fours hours later