Now, I mean no disrespect here. After all, I'm currently working on learning a third language myself. (I gave up on my second language.) So, I know how difficult it is to word things correctly in a language that is not one's own. I hope that the people to whom I speak my new language get as much enjoyment from listening as I do from collecting these quotes from people who speak . . .

English As A Second Language

  1. A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
    East African newspapers
    African hotel sign
  3. According that I'm coming from Slovenija as well I would like to know where have you've found an information about a bear bone flute and do you know in person Dr. Turk or you might know someother here in Slovenija.
    Slovenian flutist
  4. All ladies are half price.
    Tokyo, Japan, bar advertisement
  5. As promissed we were unable to deliver 850 Business Reasons Document on time.
  6. Cheer Up With "Yakult"
    "Yakult" is the health drink manufactured with scientifically cultivated micro-organisms which has tremedously beneficial role to the human intestines. Our firm confidence is based on the fact this live bacteria can go through strong acid in the stomach and bile and reach the intestines alive. Drink "Yakult" every day without skip, then "Yakult" will be one of your inseperables.

    Japanese advertisement
    sign at Brussels clothing store
  8. Cooles and heates. If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
    sign on A/C in Japanese hotel room
  9. Depositing the room key into another person is prohibited.
    Japanese hotel sign
  10. Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
    Leipzig elevator sign
  11. Do not use parking lot as we expect a great deal of dustle.
    Tokyo immigration office
  12. Dresses for street walking.
    Paris shop
  13. Drop your trousers here for best results.
    Bangkok dry cleaners
  14. EDS rejected 810, please let know why?
  15. English well talking.
    Here speeching American.

    Majorca shop signs
  16. Excuse me for we are afraid.
    This seat is not avaailable for reason of dirty.

    note on chair in Asian restaurant
  17. For best results: Wash in cold water seperately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: Drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
    Korean shirt's laundering instructions
  18. For Restrooms, Go back toward your behind.
    sign in a station in the Far East
  19. For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
    Hong Kong supermarket
  20. He had a poster with Ian playing, where you could see something like an extra-straw on the embouchure, that Ian used to adress the blowing to produce that particular sound. Someone knows when is true? Hearing "Thick as a brick" for example, sometimes I wonder how is possible to produce so a regular overblowed sound.
    Emilio from Italy
  21. Hi Dave:
    I hope you're great. I'm feel so sad for the fire. I think that day was so scared. Sorry for your drums. It's to bad that the church did not have fire insurance. I hope that the church soon fix it. Maybe all the ASYS can do some activities for gain founds for the rebuilt. I'm really sorry.
    I'm working for an insurance company 3 weeks ago. "Seguros Monterrey Aetna", I'm working in Mexico City, but the company has branches in Monterrey, Guadalajara and others cities. I'm a project leader or Strategic Planning, I'm in the health area. The company has some strategic business unit, I'm in the SBU health. I'm so happy because I worked here 1 and a half year ago. I like here but if I could live again in Dallas I would be the happiest people.
    Please send me the ASYS email address, some day I wrote to someones of the ASYS but I didn't have ansers, I don't know if they changes theirs emails.
    Anyway please say to everyone I will pray for all of yours.
    Take care. I hope you can buy soon your drums.
    P.S. please write in this email.

  22. Hi from Europe and Italy.
    I am a young EDSer, but an old man, I was joined to EDS on 1994 when EDS bougth two Italian Companies (Database Informatica and S&M).
    I leaved EDS on 2003 for retirement (65 years old).
    I was involved on 1995-96 on the Client-Server program, more than 20 classes done in different European Cities, which scope was to align the EDS European new-entry to the EDS approach to the tecnichal, organizational and strategic best way to be near Mr. the Client.
    It was a very good experience and I had the luck to meet many other European EDSer and some collegues from the States. There is anyone involved on the Client-server program?
    To incrase my knoweledeg on the "old story of EDS", please would you open for me the acronym SED, NCP, OPD etc. It is possible I meet the acronym somewhere, but now dont' help my understnding.
    Thank you to try to made EDS unforgettable! 
  23. HI, Im Francisco_Lopez from Mexico, City. I'd like to know if exists any posibility that the Chicago tour will pass frthis town. I didnt see them when came recently, and i hope go to one concert of this great musicians. I look at the home page, but theres no dates programmed. I apreciate some information about it.
  24. High blood pressure has damage effects to various organs of body. . . . it is permanent and long lasting in most cases. . . . it effects kidney normal function. . . . person become dependent on kidney dialysis for rest of his life. . . . The brain also get the bad hit from high blood pressure. . . . it is one of most common cause of disability and death in elderly. . . . Heart Attach is the most common cause of death in the country. . . . high blood pressure is the one of major determinent. . . . initially its presence unnnoticed and it remain silent for several years. . . . Regular exercise and low salt diet will keep your blood pressure normal keep you away from unnecessary medication.
  25. How about this are sir? Will I can give it to you for 300 rupies.
    English skills test in Sri Lanka
  26. I can speak English. Glad to serving you!
    sign in a store window
  27. I couldn't stay here anymore longer.
  28. I am doubling check with you.
  29. I appriciate so that I do not have to start from scratz.
    Danish computer programmer
  30. I got an letter for my band playing for doing a lot of stuff for extreacradied. I got a meadle for it to.
  31. i have a (.vbs) file please how can i but it as html and make it as link when i press it the vbs file will download and exist
    someone asking for help at a computer programming website
  32. I see you successfully passed the prophylactics and are back in with no problems.
    Lithuanian prison deputy director, to people who had been approved to visit there
  33. I swithed my gear yesterday to work on Orbit Outbound map. As for the Orbit inbound, I am trying to understand what the Glenn's logical in the map and doing some trail test, I did not make many progress except understanding more the map. At this point, it looks Galileo has to make decision . . . I have not get final anwser from Joseph, yet. . . . how many works will take you to do such change? . . . I am just get an idea what impact . . .
    unnamed EDI programmer
  34. I was wondering if you people can give me some advice for Minutte that I'm playing because when I hit the high notes an't an pretty sight for the ears. Please very derpreat.
  35. I would be very appreciate for a quick answer.
  36. I'm so exited!
    Moscow hotel sign
    Madrid hotel notice
  39. Indignantly Condemn The Wang-Chan-Chiang-Yao Gang Of Four.
    hit song in Beijing
  40. Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.
    notice in a Tokyo hotel
  41. Is not same thing! But can make same. How to do it?
    my Chinese calculus teacher
  42. Isn't there something the social system do to lighten the burden from the teachers instead.
  43. It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
    Bangkok temple
  44. It's not very easy at the first time, but it becames rapidly quite funny.
  45. Just by saying me this, he made me feel good.
    French Canadian flutist
  46. Ken and Steve, sorry for intermixing you. As you can see Ken is 'my' NIQI, 'install', 'tomcat', whatsoever guy, I'm waiting for so deadly.
    sign in Norway
  48. Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
    Hong Kong tailor shop sign
  49. Live West Under Your Seat.
    On a French passenger jet
  50. Mama, I hear your cake in the oven.
    young American girl who had grown up in Italy
  51. My son is a plumber and electric.
    my landlady in Arkansas
    (Well, maybe English was her native language.)
  52. Natural Fish Knife (piece)
    Gordon Blu
    Thigh Lambskin
    Pineapple Wirshe
    Special Ice from the House
    Frost Pie

    items on a menu in Moraira, Costa Dorarad
  53. Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.
    fortune cookie
    (I know it makes sense, but I had trouble with it at first.)
  54. Not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of Ascension.
    Austrian ski resort
  55. Now baby. Tonight I am feeling cool and hard boiled.
    Japanese shopping bag
  56. Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
    Tokyo shop
  57. Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
    Swiss restaurant
  58. Pasta Salad mixed with either chunks of fish or baby . . .
    Irish Times
  59. Please flash after use.
    toilet stall sign in North Point, Hong Kong
  60. Please leave your values at the front desk.
    Belgrade hotel sign
  61. Please to bathe inside the tub.
    Japanese hotel sign
  62. Pipe line to installed on inlet side with arrow.
    To turn from "O" to "OO".
    Each scale (300 gallon) need approximately 1 hour.

    instructions on a water timer made in Taiwan
    (By the way, the timer didn't work very well.)
  63. Roasted Wine-Soaked Conch -- It should be eated with depressed hot vegetable shreds.
    Gao Bingyi
  64. Policeman: What countryman are you?
    Sailor: I am sailor belong to the Golden Eagle, the British ship.
    Policeman: Why do you strike this jinricksha man?
    Sailor: He told me impolitely.
    Policeman: What does he told you impolitely?
    Sailor: He insulted me, saying loudly "the Sailor, the sailor" when I am passing here.
    Policeman: Do you striking this man for that?
    Sailor: Yes.
    Policeman: But do not strike him for it is forbidded.
    Sailor: I strike him no more.

    "The Practical Use Of Conversation For Police Authorities"
  65. Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
    Polish menu
  66. Section 10--Slender Roll of Medicated Paper. It is a form of preparation made by twisting medicated paper into a slender roll or by twisting paper into a slender roll and then medicating it, so it is called "slender roll of medicated paper."
    Shanghai College of Traditional Medicine
  67. Stop. Drive sideways.
    detour sign in Kyushi, Japan
  68. Stomach Care Snack Bar.
    Ghana restaurant
  69. Suck the miracle of Guangdong market through Guangdong Yellow Pages.
    Guangdong Yellow Pages, southern China
  70. Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.
    Hong Kong dentist
  71. The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
    Yugoslav hotel sign
  72. The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
    Bucharest hotel lobby sign
  73. There is a true and sincere friendship between you both.
    fortune cookie
    ("between you both" as opposed to "between only one of you")
  74. The other problem doesn't have to do anything with this problem.
  75. Thank you, but I am so sorry to cockroach on your time.
    French ambassador Cambon
  76. To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
    Belgrade hotel elevator sign
  77. Visitor should not be carried: Arm, pets of material should be fired into the hotel.
    Visitor should be wanted to help: Eating and drinking, urgent or cure a descase. Should be phoned with the receptionist.
    Visitor should not be ironed--cooked--washed. Hotel has got every service for a visitor.

    Vietnamese hotel rules
  78. Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
    Athens hotel
  79. Waiting to hear from Ingram since long time..
    Madhu Kumar Sampra Venkata Ramachandra
  80. Wash and rape the sweet potato.
    Gao Bingyi
  81. We take your bags and send them in all directions.
    airline ticket office in Copenhagen
  82. What I find interesting is working writing all this, deciding before, not leaving too much place to improvisation.
    unnamed musician
  83. When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
    Tokyo car rental firm
  84. When you are learning Espanish, it is very important to practice your bowels.
  85. Whenever I hear comments about these . . . it makes me want to move into abroad.
  86. Why do you did that?
  87. Why not do you like one this are?
    English skills test in Sri Lanka
  88. Why was the freeway sticky?
    sentence from an ESL course advertised on Spanish TV
    (I think the answer is "Because of a traffic jam.")
  89. Yes, I asked the same thing that you answered for. May be, I would phrased as confusing to you. I apologize for it.
  90. You are all invited to the wedding, and also to the parish hall afterward for the conception.
    German pastor
  91. You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
    Japanese hotel sign
  92. You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
    sign in Moscow
  93. You want it, we had it.
    Japanese electronics store sign
  94. You want to apply for a soholarship to a college in England. Complete this application from.
    English skills test in Sri Lanka

A German man on a US flight was arrested under suspicion of making a bomb threat when he told a flight attendant "the roof will fly if I sit down." Turns out he just needed to use the restroom. He was literally translating a German idiom meaning "I'm gonna burst!"
Click on the button below to see a letter written by a computer programmer who came to the United States from Germany for training in our company.

Questions on a medical form in Japan:

Click here to balance it out a bit.

Word Wild Web
Dumb Things People Say
Lien À Trois
Elmwood Court