Methods

For

Committing

Suicide
DISCLAIMER: The information on this page is informational only. Well, of course, information would be informational, wouldn't it? What I mean is, I am exercising my right to free speech. I am not recommending the use of any of these methods, or of committing suicide at all. In other words, if you commit suicide and then later regret it, you can't come back and sue me. However, this could be considered a public service, and since suicide isn't illegal, I can't be prosecuted. At least, I don't think I can. I saw that on an episode of "Law & Order," so it must be true, not?

  1. Smoke cigarettes. For high tar and nicotine levels, I would suggest Marlboro, Winston, and Camel.
  2. Drink alcohol. To speed up the effect, drive on I-285 in Atlanta.
  3. Make friends with a man/woman who is extremely jealous. Buy him/her a handgun. Then sleep with his/her wife/husband.
  4. Go to Pamploma for the running of the bulls. Get at the back of the crowd. Right before it begins, tie your shoelaces together.
  5. Go to work for your local crime boss. Ask for the assignment of collecting protection money. Keep it.
  6. Two words: red meat.*
  7. Ride a motorcycle without a helmet. Tailgate someone who has a bumper sticker that reads "I BRAKE FOR NO APPARENT REASON."
*This is the method I am currently using. What a way to go!