I overheard this in an optical shop. . . .
How long does it take to get "eyeglasses in one hour"?

Someone asked this of the concierge at the Regal Alaskan Hotel. . . .
What time does the 3 o'clock shuttle leave?

This was asked by a service rep who was coming "sometime today" to fix the phone, which wasn't working at all. . . .
Would you like us to call you before we come?

This was reported by someone who works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. . . .
Caller: I keep getting paged by Lucille, and I want her to stop.
Employee: You will have to call her and tell her to stop paging you.
Caller: She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back.
Employee: How do you know it's Lucille if she doesn't leave her number?
Caller: She leaves her name.
Employee: But you have a numeric-only pager. How does Lucille spell her name?
Caller: L-O-W-C-E-L-L.

This happened at an airport gate check-in desk. . . .
Employee: Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
Customer: If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?
Employee: That's why we ask.

When I called a clinic to make an apponiment, the receptionist said this. . . .
If you'd like to come in next week on Thursday or Friday, I could see you on Wednesday the 28th at 2:45.

Grandma Lewis had this experience in a department store. . . .
Lewis: Do you have any one-gallon ice cream freezers?
Clerk: No, we only have the four-quart size.

This happened in a Taco Bell. . . .
Customer: I would like a taco with minimal lettuce.
Employee: I'm sorry, we only have iceberg lettuce.

A receiver of a fax told about seeing a note like this at the bottom. . . .
Could you please fax this back to me when are finished with it? I need to keep it.

Someone called the township administrative office to make this request. . . .
Could you please remove the deer crossing sign on our road? I don't want the deer to cross there anymore.

I had this experience at our company cafeteria. . . .
I went to the grill and asked the cook for a cheeseburger. He threw the patty on the griddle and then asked, "Would you like cheese on that?" When I got to the checkout with this cheese hanging out of the bun, the cashier asked, "Hamburger or cheeseburger?"

Edpress News from the Oxford University Press gave this grammar help. . . .
It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.

The following was on a web page that will probably never be read by people who don't know English (since it is written in English). . . .
Non-English speaking employees should contact their Account Leader, EDS University or LCM Business Partner for required course alternatives.